not a peep

[Trixi]

Tax benefits considered but not appreciation, it will cost a little under $300 MORE per month to buy compared to rent. (If I factor in appreciation, it's a wash. Since appreciation isn't realized until the sale of the house, I'm not going to add it in.) So, initially, the cost is higher.

However, at the end of the lease term, I will have to buy and then the payment will be $275 more than the mortgage of the cheaper house and since I would be holding onto the house, that can really add up over the years.

Maybe someone can help me with this. When I went and picked out the rental, I had a fantasy revolving around H coming over after several months of not seeing me and that we would end up back together for good. The rental house is so homey/cozy that it was easy for me to picture that happening. This bigger house, is cute, but doesn't give me the oogly googlys warm fuzzies. I am having a hard time discerning whether I am attached to the rental because it was my "last best hope" for reconciling with my H or if it really is SO cute that I should pay $47K more for it and give up 200sf of space.

[Trixi]

I thought sleeping on it would help; it didn't. I don't think I ONLY like the rental because there were fantasies associated with it. A lot of my visions are just of me being there-snug as a bug in rug. Puttering around in my cute little house. Having girlfriends over. Setting up bird feeders. (Lots of trees around there.)

You know what sucks about this? I can't call up the one person that could really help me walk thru the pros and cons and help me make my mind up. I know that my H would have ideas that I hadn't thought of and would ask me the important questions. I tried to talk to my mom, and she was no help. My girlfriend wasn't sure either. She was more skewed towards the rental, then towards the purchase, then towards the rental-no clear answer. Lender/friend says "buy", but she hasn't seen either house, so I don't know what she would say if she had seen them. My DD is no help because she is already being 'flakey' about moving in, so I can't let that influence me too much.

And if I do the trick of "making up my mind" and seing how I feel- either way,I feel like I lost something by not getting the other house. UGH!

[Dom R]

is there no way to buy the rental now, then?
Seems odd to, "rent now, then buy later" the same place.

[SallyM]

trixi, is there another place that might open up, then? maybe a happy medium?

dom, normally when I've seen the rent first/buy in a year, it has to do with taxes and such...the person would take a bigger hit this year if they sold, rather than next year (normally an age thing). at least that's what the few people I've seen try to do the rent then buy in a year thing.

the funny thing is, everyone I know who has tried to rent first, then buy, has never bought the house...they found a way to get out of the sale and found a better suited home for them.

[Trixi]

In this particular case, the seller is doing boundary line adjustments and short platting, so he can't sell until all the changes are made. He has until dec 08 to get everything done. His wife found a house in another part of the state, so they have moved there. Hence, why they are renting for a year.

Turns out, all this torment was for nothing. Lender just called and the program that used to be in place (5% down, stated income) has gone away. I would have to put down 10% and at this point, I do not want to tie up that much of my 'nest egg'. So, "problem" solved. I actually feel a little relieved because now I don't have to make a choice. And this option still isn't permanent, so if I don't like living there, I can just go buy something else. (Even though I hate the thought of having to move again so soon.) And who knows, might turn out that I love it there and won't EVER want to move. Or maybe I'll decide to pack up and move to Colorado. (I have no idea why, but I keep feeling like I should run away to Colorado-never been there. Maybe I hope I'll meet a John Denver type there. )

[Dom R]

Huh. maybe you could "rent to own", then.
ie: have some or all of the rent count towards selling price in the future.
Get it in writing, and you'd be all set.

(oh: you should also get the selling price of the house, agreed upon at the same time!)

[NikB]

First and foremost so sorry you are having to go through this. I admire how well you're doing.

As to the house - looks like your decision was made for you, so that's nice! It turned out the way I was actually going to suggest. I was thinking this is a huge change already, and who knows what you'll want for your life a year from now. You may want to pack up and wander Europe for a year - who knows!!

It's funny because if I had to make the same choice though I wonder if I'd take my own advice... in theory I like the idea of renting first to straighten things out and know what I really want - but the temptation to own a place and make it a more permanent home would sure be strong, too.

I know, I'm a big help.

[Trixi]

<snort> Yeah, Nikki! Big help!

This situation is ideal since he will give me first right of refusal once it is time for him to sell. And I don't have to give him any "option" money up front, so there is really no risk to me. Upon further research, I think the price he is offering to sell it to me for is fair. Not the deal of the century, but fair. Especially if I factor in that theoretically I can subdivide the parcel I will be buying. And when he brings the sewer line in, he will be putting a stub in the front portion of the property just in case it is developed.

Heh, I don't feel like I am doing well. For no apparent reason I will burst into tears. I am having to tell myself over and over that I can cry when I get home-that I need to get a grip. I miss him SO much. Almost 13 years together now. I sure hope he doesn't file until Jan. If he filed on the 16th of this month and we could be officially divorce 13 years to the day from our first kiss. *sigh*

Landlord called, has papers ready for me. I think I will go and sign stuff and then go to Linens-n-things and pick out a new bedding set. I just hope I'll be able to keep myself together. And maybe the landlord would let me get a dog in 6 months if I gave him a bigger deposit....

[NikB]

haha sorry.. I know, Ms. Helpful here.

I am so sorry, I know it's hard. Just the fact that you are ABLE to put off the crying tells me you are doing well.

I walked through LNT one night and spent at least 3 hours in there - the staff seemed to feel bad telling me it was closing time and I had to leave. It was neat picking stuff out but I know that feeling, it's like you're walking in a daze going "So this isn't my life or anything but if it WAS, here's how I'd want to decorate my room..." (least that's how it felt to me). I hope you pick something out you really love!! (hey check your mail first too.. just today I got a 20% off entire purchase holiday coupon for LNT..).

I hope he'll wait too. I have known a few of the WAS who still cared a lot about their LBS's feelings and have been amazed at HOW thought out the D filing was. Avoiding birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I hope your H will do that.

Sounds like a pretty good situation with the rental where you can check it out but not sign anything long term just yet.

[Trixi]

I was quite excited when I left the rental. Spent time in the yard. Figured out where I would want to put some Christmas lights, where the bbq should go, etc.

I didn't make it to LNT or BB&B. I have been searching HI and LO for a duvet cover that I like- and the only one that I found (online) that I really like is $450+ just for the duvet cover. The flipping bedskirt is $195. It's crazy!! but what a gorgeous set.

When I look at these things, I sometimes have a hard time descerning whether I like something simply because *I* like it, or if there is still some influence from H. The good thing about H and I is that we had similar taste in decor. Both of us are more the Craftsman, Bungalow, Mission type of people, so it was fairly easy for us to pick furniture and whatnot. Oh, and he actually had opinions regarding the decorating-rather strong ones.

Anywho-I was thinking today about what H has put me thru. On the one hand, I am very angry and sad. On the other, I am just glad that he hasn't tried to screw me over and leave me in the lurch. When we got this second house, part of his motivation (unbeknownst to me) was it to be an investment and then when the kids graduated, we could get rid of our tenants, I would move back into our rental house and he would remain here in this house. He wanted to make sure I would have a place.

Earlier I checked the bank balance for the joint account and noticed he had used some $ to get tix for New York. After the checks I wrote cleared, that would leave $60 in the acct. So I sent him an IM and said "just so you know, once check X and Y clear, the joint acct will have $60." and do you know what he said back "Didn't we just get paid?" (Emphasis from me.) He just bought upgraded AAA for the me, DD and himself. Those are good qualities. Telling me that we could get back together in the future...not so sure about that 'quality'.