I said I did push him away and made him miserable that last year because of was tired of not being told or shown that I was loved. H said it has been more than a year. So I'm not horrible, but I've pushed him away for years. I would love it if he wrote a list of greivences or wrong doings. I don't think he knows WTH he can't stand me anymore.
I've been over and over this one too. It's kind of chicken or the egg thing. Did I become this person because of how you treated me or were you treating me this way because of the person I became? I'd have to say more the former than the latter, but I'm sure my H would disagree. Either way I don't like the person I've turned into. I've been walking on eggshells for a year in fear of pushing him away.
I WANT the opportunity to go back and take responsibility for my portion of what may have gone wrong with our M, but he says it's too late for that. But I think there is a difference between what we could have done differently in our relationships and being a horrible person. I know I'm not horrible and Lizzy I'm pretty sure you're no where near horrible either. We just could have done things differently as anyone can say. So now I'm just trying to get back to me. Maybe not the old me completely...a new and improved me. I am actually getting excited about this prospect of starting myself over again...the possibilities are endless! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
