Update on me. I am here now, far far away from my home town, house hunting for a new place to live. Well, we found a place that we like, so that's great. Anyway it's only rental so I am not very picky. I have been trying very hard to keep up PMA while I am with H. So far I am mostly OK. On the second day I was here, I was researching the possiblity of transfering my studies here and I found out it's not that easy. Thoughts about why I am giving up my future career, education, friends, family all struck me again and I lost it with H. We did not really have a R talk but I got teary and that pissed H off. It was not a really good night. We just both went to bed. I guess we were both tired. But other than that night, it was great. H is very busy with work so he always come home tired. But he still comes home as early as possible to have dinner with me and stay with me. We went out on the weekend and had a great time. I can see H coming back slowly. I asked him if he is sick of me being here now (he was here alone for a few weeks already) and he said how would I be bored with you? We've been together so many years and he is still not bored. That is such a different tone than a year ago when he said he had to leave. Still no mention of whether he is contacting OW or not. I think he is but I am telling myself to be super patient now. Very hard to do but I only have to keep it up for a few more days before I leave for home to pack. There is one funny thing to share. Last month, I was still deciding if I should move with him while there is still contact with OW (orginally I said I would not unless he cut off ALL contact). I eventually decided that I would move (because I saw signs of him really working on cutting off contact but still not able to do it completely and I decided to give him a bit more time). When I told him, my speech was too long and got into how I am moving because of him and how I was giving up my career, family, friends, etc, blah blah blah. H got upset and said he did not want anyone to sacrifice for him and if I move, it cannot be a sacrifice. I said fine, it's not a sacrifice (to be honest, it is part sacrifice, part for my committment but 100% my decision, I have grown on this board to know that it is my choice). Fast forward to yesterday. We were having a drink with some of his hotel buddies. There are many men here who moved here to work but the wives refused to leave (boring place, family committment, etc.) These two guys were telling me that there are so many single-married men here (them included) and they are complaining about how their wives wouldn't move. One guy said I am making this great sacrifice for my H. I said my H won't allow me to say it's a sacrifice so it has to be me being selfish. (the guys of course, didn't get it). They kept on complaining and said how they respected me for willing to move the family here. H chimed in and said he also respected me. I hope all that sink in to his mind. I think by having his friends said all those things are 1000 times more effective than me saying how I am doing all these things for our family and our M. H always think what I do is trivial and anybody can do it in a heartbeat (including allowing A to happen and still stay married, moving all over the place with H, etc.) I think he is now starting to realize that not everybody is willing to put up with that, by hearing it from his colleagues. So all in all, it's been pretty good. Thoughts of H calling/emailing OW still gets me everyday but I only dwell on it when H is not home. My goal for now is still to get myself to be a better person, work on myself. It is H's choice to cut off contact or to keep it forever. It will be my choice in the future to leave. I am just being patient now (thanks for this board, esp. the ones in the MLC side).
