Hey jar, glad you tested the waters with W. If you were completely done with trying with her, than I would say "no water testing", but you still want your marriage, so today was a good thing. You held your line ("I can't open up to you and our relationship when you are seeing someone"), but told her you still had feelings for her. The call to her lawyer was her defense mechanism kicking in.
Glad the photos went well! Of course the D's smiled on, they know what's up!!!
Yeah.. not sure what she's thinking. She called a bit ago and asked me to come over to get some stuff for the the next two days.. stuff for girls (the viral treatment which still ticks me off!!). I told her I was busy.. needed to eat and was watching the game. She mentioned bringing it by later, but it would be late. I know they are going to OM's and I mentioned that.. she got kind of quiet and said "Not for a while." I said "We'll.. I'm busy right now... not sure if you are spending the night or not, but I don't have plans later this evening."
We'll see.. I'm hanging at the house.. need to clean up, do some laundry, etc.
I said she didn't argue.. I did forget that when I mentioned being intimate (kisses etc) she got very defensive.. she said "I won't do that again buddy.. that ruined it.. even if we were to get back together, that ruined it." I simply replied that it hurt to get the offer and then run to him. I asked her to think about it from my perspective.
I stopped at saying "You can't have it both ways" I hate it when she says "buddy" that's her version of a$$hole. She only says it when she's trying to be mean.
"buddy" is just soooo...condescending...GRRR.. I hate that.
You stuck to your guns but weren't inflexible, Jar is good....
How are the girls? I have been meaning to ask you what you are getting them for Christmas? I have EVERYONE done except for my own kids LOL. But I do that because they are so easy....
Girls are good.. we are still working the Xmas stuff out. Finally got a budget # out of W today. She'll go shopping on Friday, so that should give me an idea.
So.. I told W earlier that I was going to call the girls. I've been trying to reach her for the past hour. I called her home (knew she wasn't there), called her cell twice and have texted her twice. I even texted OM. Still no call.
This is where I get pissed.. after our conversation today, and she basically blows me off.
So.. W and I had a "text" extension of the temp check.
Nothing earth shattering. She still blames me.. I'm the callous inconsiderate one.
She is so immature and naive that it's becoming ridiculous. I finally asked her if she was happy and she said she was.
Nothing I can do with that. I'm done pursuing. I'm done trying. Who knows how long it will take, but she has to grow up quite a bit and be happy with herself. I honestly see her and OM getting married and getting divorced over the next 10 years.
I wish I could just let her go. I wish I didn't have to deal with the "just friends" aspect of the breakup.
The D's make that impossible. That's what will make this so hard. I can't make her grow up, but she will be damaging the girls while she is figuring all this out. I wish there was a way to get sole custody. It would be much easier. I'm ready to cut her loose. I deserve MUCH better. All she has complained about is how badly she was treated. She has no idea how good she had it... not sure she ever will.
I've learned from this experience. I've learned quite a bit about women and a little as to how they tick. Very intriguing. I'll be the wiser for it the next go round.
Might not post for a while.. I'm really feeling like I'm done this time around. No sense posting here if I'm no longer trying to save the M.
I'll probably check in from time to time to see how some of you fine folks are doing. Good luck to all of you!! You all deserve the very best in life and I hope you get it!!
Thanks H4C.. even if she did come running back, it would take probably too much to make it work.
I've never been one to get into a relationship too quickly. I'm the dork (good or bad) that can't do one night stands. I'm the nice guy. Starting to ring true that nice guys finish last.
Not looking for pity, so please don't take it that way. Just tired of being what I've been and getting crapped on. My own fault. That's the problem with these things.. they make you a harsher person.
I tend to have a serious relationship 4-5 years after my last serious one. That means I'll be almost 40 and my girls will be 10 and 8 respectively.
I'm waiting for the next big life event for me.. typically when these things happen, something in my life changes and it gets better. I'm ready for whatever that is.. any day now.. would be nice.
Dude... we're the same.. all my friends sleep with tons of girls. Im always the dude wanting something serious with someone.
They all like the club scene to score with the easy chicks, I go to a club and feel disgusted by some of these women. I would never want to meet someone like that. Haha! Go figure, my W loves clubs.
I would much rather meet a nice girl in a coffee shop or something like that.
If you do decide to take a break and not post for awhile, I wanted to thank you for helping me out in my sitch. I really look up to you Jar, stay strong brother.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Jar- Haven't read all of your stuff, but remember this. DBing isn't only for saving your M. It is for saving you and making you better as well.
If you make the changes in your life, for you, and your R with your W still ends, so be it. You can only truly control your actions. I am in the same boat as you. If my W came crawling back to me tonight, I would likely step over her and continue to move on. The fact that I feel this way doesn't mean that I cannot benefit from this rag tag group of misfits. You are new in this process. Don't abandon it yet. By that I mean the process of you becoming happy and healthy. You have many more roller coasters to endure....believe me.
As for the friendly thing goes, the great and wise frank_d once told me that I am not nor will I continue to be friends with my XW. I will have to be friendly with her for the kids sake, but not friends. Friends don't do things like she has done to me. Plain and simple.
Godspeed my brother. In your quest, I wish you nothing but the best. It saddens me some that your situation is somewhat due to your decision to serve your country.
Go out now and be a hero for your kids now.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
