Input, WH and I own business together

[grid, lost]

I think I'll get W a digital picture frame, put pics of kid throughout the school years, vacation pics, pics of us in happier times. Maybe it will make her think? Don't know if I'll be invited to her sisters Christmas Eve. S's said they will leave early to spend time with me. We always had kids back home Christmas morning, I'll invite her, don't know if she'll show.

Giving W pics might do some good. At very least she will always enjoy shots of the kids, be creative, cut down, zoom in !
Pics might work on her as my Weds. letters to H. Based on a book with same title WL, any way every Weds. I write him a short letter about a positive memory I have during our lives together. Actually sent under disguise of recovery for me! Needed to replace negative memories with good ones. Sine sending letters H has become much friendlier. maybe photos will do same for W. Do be careful not to put to many shots with you in . Remember giving is a gift of what the other person wants regardless of what we want. You put together a real nice piece. She will love it even if never says so.

If H wants to give you gifts accept them, if you give them back he might think you are disconnecting from him. Like I said I bet OW doesn't know about them, she'd probably be upset if she knew.

You are correct on the gifts, mike, thanks. So hard to have him give me a gift and then up comes the steel wall. LOL, sad to, cause you would give anything to have your W send you something. Sorry.
You think W used the key issue just to touch base with you? Smart call letting VM pick up. Is W living with D and if so how is that working out? W is wearing S clothes???? WOW she is in MLC !!! LOL, my H has grown a pony tail, like 60s bikers!!!! If only I had realized what was going on 3 yrs ago when started with the ponytail!!!!!! DU Right under my nose.

Business sounds interesting especially research on if Indians were at location.

It is interesting. Often we have to research a property use back 50 to 80 yrs. lol now we are talking about pollution !! Can not believe what was put in the ground back then!

Breeding smaller dogs< I don't think I could handle the real small ones they seem a bit too hyper, Maybe a 10 to 20lb dog. Certainly would be easier on dog food!!

I can not stand barkie hyper dogs !!!!!! If were to change breeds I'd go to one of the sporting breeds, maybe spaniel, setter??? I love field dogs, sporting or hound .
what is your second favorit breed?
grid lost

[micoms]

Grid,

As far as pics with me in them, there's probably not many, I always took pics.

Don't think W was touching base with me, she had D19 call about an hour later to ask me about keys. As far as I know they never came to the house. I left for rehab about an hour after D called, was gone about 2hrs.

Yes W is living with D24, her boy friend and S2. D19 has been staying there the last week to babysit while D24 works. D24 needs the money W pays for staying there. D's BF lost his job and is working for his cousin in Nashville, TN. He's putting hardwood floors in and applying for jobs here in town online. I offered to pick him up to come home for the weekend.

I believe W is in MLC, she is borrowing D19 clothes to wear. She's in depression, all D24 says W does is sleep. She'll fall asleep just about anywhere. She has also lost touch with all her friends but one, withdrawal?

researching previous owners, what products they made and what wastes they may have spilled or dumped on site must be very time consuming. Where do you find most of your information?

I understand about the hyper small dogs I was thinking about the smaller terriers or sporting breeds.

Don't know about the holidays, fell so depressed about not spending them with W. First one apart. She's pushing for the D. I'll still keep DBing.

Mike

[grid, lost]

researching previous owners, what products they made and what wastes they may have spilled or dumped on site must be very time consuming. Where do you find most of your information?

Researching property history is quite interesting to say the least. One needs to develope audit skills. As CPA I'm quite good at that even H is impressed and says I often out do him.
To start, talk with any elderly people who have lived in the immediate area for a long time as they often have lots of info. (leads, indicators) or will know some one who does have knowledge of property. Public records, deeds, morgages, tax records, public libraries, business directories. In past almost all county's or small cities had late 1800- earl 1900s business directories, by street address. AS you walk and inspect a property one often will see signs of prior activity still around. sounds strange I know, but there in the attic covered with cobwebs and dust will be business signs, letterhead paper, one Drs. office had old syringes and bottles of meds. All this starts to pull together a general feel for activity on the property and for "possible" problems plus there are industry directories which will type of hazzard for a specific business, ie: dental labs, mercury. Back then most of this stuff was just dumped on the ground or down a dry well. Once possible problems are ID next stage is to come back and drill 4" test borring of soil samples, etc. Amazing what took place years ago. As history starts to be pieced together it is down right Shocking!

I understand about the hyper small dogs I was thinking about the smaller terriers or sporting breeds.

Yep, lap dogs just are not me.
A starting point for anyone who wants to have a dog that fits their life style is not the size of the dog rather what was the dog originally breed to do???? Terriers, were ratters, so they are determined, ferious, high energy and nippy.
Sporting dogs, easy going, lots of endurance, get along with others, alert, need a lot of exercise or should have quite a bit of exercise as they were breed to run in a field or water retrieve all in a days work. lol now we need to look at the committment for grooming. (sorry on the sp). Guess you can see I over think everything. Fault of mine. lol no actually all these questions should be answered before having any dog. One thing I like about berners, they do not require a lot of grooming, wash and wear breed as we call them.

Don't know about the holidays, fell so depressed about not spending them with W. First one apart. She's pushing for the D. I'll still keep DBing.

Mike, wish I had a few words of wisdom for you. I can hear how down this is all making you. lets think on this a bit..... ok can't make holiday like it was so ...what can you do that will be different? Have your kids asked A & U if you are coming or welcome??? Maybe kids can get a feel about inlaws for you.
What will your kids be doing? Surely they do not want you sitting alone on Christmas Eve and you are not going to! How about inviting a couple close friends to stop by for a glass of wine? Do you have a Church service you go to? Anyone at the service might invite back to house for a wine?
Do you have any brothers or sisters and if so where are they?
Funny, when everyone is doing biggie family stuff ( I have no family) often I'll take one of dogs for a long walk and since everyone is inside (even traffic is down) the walks are so peaceful. I love to take my dogs for walks like that. sounds so strange I know. they (dogs) give me peace of mind and those dark eyes always look at me and say, "don't worry we are here and we need you". silly put how I get through rough times like that. One thing H walking out has taught me quickly, stop expecting things to be status quo. Because I let go of the way things "were" I seem to enjoy stuff better.

Oh, here is another, plan, if you are going to be on your own more then pamper yourself. Buy some nice cheese and crackers, a bit of wine, fresh fruit, rent a couple Funny movies, check cable for a good movie, and treat yourself. Relax.
All sounds corny but guess that is how I get through these family times when I am familyless. lol
OBTW, go to KLA, holiday season forum, search for my post. I posted all about christmas 2006, read you'll enjoy. Keep DBing and for each of us, we all need these boards and those who post.
BTW, are you the person who posted the C noticed how much work you were doing and you enlightened the C on Michele and the boards? One thing for sure if you come to the boards on holiday, there will be others there and someone will give you cause to laugh. Most important find ways to laugh and smile !
cheers,
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

I like a dog I can wrestle with and not worry about hurting. First family dog was a cocker, the dumbest animal I've ever known. Had a a wiener dog my mother had to get rid of when kids were little. She lived to be about 15yo, she had a seizure on night and died, was like losing a family member. My kids had never seen me cry before that morning in vets office.

The one thing since my operation I've noticed is I can't concentrate on watching a TV show or movie any more. I can't explain it but I can't sit and watch TV. A sporting event I can watch, Never liked to watch football unless Bengals or Ohio State, but I can watch any game now.

After talking to S26 last night I don't think he'll go to Aunts house if I'm not invited. He already said he hasn't even been invited yet, it was always a standing invitation. I think I'll encourage him to go. Maybe if he doesn't W might see what she's doing to family. So unfair for kids even if their adults to have to choose.

Just a bit of wine? Why not a lot to forget! I know, not the right attitude. Wine is always better to share with someone. If it comes to that maybe we'll raise a glass to each other that night!!

Well time to go.

Mike

[grid, lost]

mike,
I hear ya about loosing a dog and crying. It is not like loosing a memember of your family, you are loosing a memeber of your family!!! We invest so much emotionaly with our pets. The return is worth it though.

Well wasn't sure if I should say a little wine or a bottle of wine!!!! Hey, don't knock the thought of sharing a glass of wine with an internet bud. I have a friend in Long Island, we use to do just that by IM about once a month. That is until my health got I couldn't drink any.

Yes, do encourage S26 to go to family gathering. The family has to weather through all of this. He has to help keep the family together. actually since together for T day I would be really surprised if A U didn't invite you. Maybe they would be really hurt if you didn't stop by and at least wish them a merry christmas. there you go, plan to stop by and if icie leave early.
grid

[micoms]

Grid,

Just got off the phone with S26. had nice conversation. Told him he should go to Aunts house, said if he does he'll probably leave early to spend time with me. He's still pretty bitter W has no contact with him.

I never liked wine when I was younger, but now I do. Never really drank much around the house, didn't think it was the right thing to show the kids growing up. I am going to get W's aunt a digital picture frame also, load it with old and new pictures. Don't expect anything from W. Talked to my best friend last night, his W and my W are best friends also, he said my W is upset that I'm contesting the D. She claims I've been following or had someone following her. Not true!!! Could be OM's W is having them followed?

Mike

[grid, lost]

micoms,
lol, OM's W could be having her followed. Were you surprised to hear she believes you are having her followed? so OM must be the push D. Drag your feet.
Are you surprised W is upset with you contesting D? In the end it will let her know how much all this is to you. You are not going to just toss in the towel because that is how she feels at the moment.
I grew up in an Irish family so wine, drinks, etc. is just a part of life to me. No real heavy drinking. Before I became I really enjoyed cold beer but for some reason could not drink it on hot afternoon. Quickly makes me ill.
H will be around tomorrow. I am thinking of telling him not to purch. a gift for me in case he is planning on Christmas gift. I can't be the OW to OW in my own marriage.
I will let you know how the day goes. If I go out into field with him.

grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

It was mid Oct, I was taking D24 &BF out to get early B-Day present for GS, he needed clothes, as we were leaving D's house W said really nasty, "Why are you following me?" Told her I'm not, she asked who are you paying to follow me? Told her I can't afford to pay someone to follow her. She claimed it must be my brother, told her how inconspicuous would a 350lb man in a pickup truck be. She told my friend that she couldn't believe i did that! I told him I swear on my fathers grave I never followed. paid someone to follow or had a family member or friend follow her.

As far as OM, I think they had problems twice or there were 2 OM. Twice she wanted to quit her job. When we went on vaca end of Aug she was going to put in 2 weeks notice when we got back. I think OM was upset she was going to Fla for 9 days with me and they had a fight. The day before we came back, she got a text or voice mail, went cold as ice to me. Got back home and suddenly loved her job again.

I never drank much around the house at all. Occasionally after cutting the grass I'd have a cold one. After the kids were older W & I would buy a bottle of wine once a week and have a glass a couple of nights. If I'm home on Christmas Eve alone I guess I'll have to raise a glass to you then drink your glass also.

I would let him give you a gift if he wants, it's a way he can stay connected to you. I don't really think he expects the three of you to be best of friends. If it causes a rift in their R, it's not your fault, he's the one giving gifts. Just my thoughts.

Don't know how my sitch will work out, sometimes just think let her go and get it over with. Try to continue DB'ing while D'd. Maybe she needs to find out the grass isn't greener.

Oh well got to go, early appt with cardiologist in the AM.

Mike

[grid, lost]

Hi micoms,
ok, i will trust the "seeing it from a guys point of view" from you and accept gift from H if he gives me something. thanks for sharing your thoughts.
never went into the field with him this AM, lot of pain during the night from my med. problems so called in morning and cancelled . H. sounded a bit disappointed and yet not to surprised. He really does care, I just can't have H care as only my friend. Need my best friend and H.

just left VM to see if H wants to have dinner together. Hope so as I would really like to just see him. Hope calling and dinner is not to much following him, etc??? Most likely he will not be available, so why get my hopes up, right??
I really am an orphan now H is gone and all my family is deceased. Really strange not having in any family. lol good thing you had those kids. H. and I blew it years ago when we broke up after college. Let the best years get away from us. Now we are letting the last ones go.
Well at the very least I have certainly learned a lot through all of this. Wish I had had the for sight to catch on to what was taking place before he left. Or rather had the for sight of a better way to deal with things. H was so off wall before he walked I was even seeing a C to try and figure out how to deal with him. I thought almost all of it was just deep deep depression well it was but even the C didn't realize what was under neath everthing. funny I was at the C day he walled out. Long time ago now and yet seems like yesterday. Still remember the day, when I left house for my appointment thought something was wrong. half way to C I nearly turned around and went back home. Wish I had, didn't because if I had skipped out on the appointment had to pay for it. then after the split I would see the C every couple weeks or so,C thought i was going to go over edge or something. considering all problems maybe I should have, lol. C felt so bad about my stitch, last couple sessions I don't believe he even billed me!!
I posted my stitch on MLC forum but no one ever replies. Sorta tight group over there. except one person posted, D from W in 01, ???? why posted for those of us trying to stand is beyond me. Person seemed rather bitter to me. but could have just been the mood I was in when read their post to me.
Well if we have dinner I'll let you know how all goes.
grid, lost

[micoms]

Grid,

Sorry you were in too much pain to enjoy going into the field with H. It sound like he really does care. You have to start off as friends before you can become best friends. I don't think asking H to have dinner while in town is pursuing too much, if you were in his area would you appreciate an invite for dinner rather than eating alone?

Sorry no family left, must be hard, no built in support group. Any good friends? Strange how hindsight is always 20/20. I look back and can see things I should have done differently also.

I went to referee recertification clinic last night. A few guys I reffed with were suprised to see me, and looking so good. Someone had heard i was rehabing at Drake Hosp(hosp for severe brain injury, terminal illnesses and intensive physical rehab). If W comes back I'll give up reffing to spend more time with her.

I posted on someones thread in MLC, her H was on low carb diet & looking for recipies. She asked about my sitch someone answered that MLC has a lot of people quit after they start posting. That it is kind of a tight group. Keep posting someone will take you under their wing. He said he'd look for my post. Still got to do it.

Had appt with cardiologist, go back to work 2 weeks early. Can't wait, although my route is gone. Supt told me they are going to try something new that co does in Europe. I'll be troubleshooter, I'll take others repeat calls and fix. He wants to take advantage of my troubleshooting abilities.

I feel lucky to have the kids we have, they have turned out to be great young, responsible adults. I have gotten closer to all of them in the last 6mos.

Well consider me a friend, if you need someone to vent to i'll listen.

Mike