donna, here is the way I see it. you are doing everything you can to avoid fixing what is really broken, and that is yourself. I think you get close sometimes, but when the work gets too hard or too close to home, you go back and try to focus on your marriage. yes, your marriage failed, but there is something so much deeper going on here. you did everything you could to fix your marriage, but it wasn't possible. you still feel broken because you are still broken. but much like dorothy in the wizard of oz, you have had the power all along to go home...to fix yourself. just reach inside, honey, use the resources you have already sought out (your groups, your IC) and know that they are there because YOU put them there...your strength reached out for them...they are your tools to help you on this path.
OW is not the devil, btw. trust me, I want to draw horns on pics of my h's ow, but she is not the devil, either. neither of these women are anything more than women...they are human, with their own strengths and weaknesses. don't make her more than what she is. a devil implies a power that she doesn't have. your h, my h, they both went willingly. their choices. the ow made their choices. OUR choices now are about what we do with our own lives, how we pick up the pieces and regain ourselves. Its a tough row to hoe, for sure, but we can do this, donna. we can.
now stop posting here and get your butt over to surviving where you belong. trust me, its a tough change to make, but its a good one. just wait till you get to know those fine folks over there...they show me just how many silver linings are out there, just how its not only possible to survive an unwanted divorce, its possible to thrive and shine!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
