I don't know what has been wrong with me the last couple of days. The financial aspect of everything is really weighing on me. I have a copy of H's settlement offer and it is not acceptable to me, not even close.
I reread the information from the attorney that I went to see when I first got the bomb. I was probably comatose when we spoke, but it does say on the paperwork that he has a retainer fee of several thousand dollars.
I don't have this kind of money.
I feel like I should say something to H along the lines of: I read over the proposal you gave me. I will need to consult with an attorney, but the retainer is X amount and I don't have this. I am saving towards it, but it will take time. I just wanted you to know that I am not ignoring this - this is just the situation that I am in.
Even typing this makes me cry. We did not have money problems before. He does not have money problems now. I did not have money problems years ago when I was working at a great job.
But he has contol over everything now. He has been generous so far, paying everything.
But it makes me beyond sad/angry that I have to save what little money I do earn so I can get an attorney to help him with this D. I know it is to protect me, but I am really struggling with this. If he wants to get a D, let him pay for it all.
w8ting - I am sorry about the legal sitch, and have just emailed BBA [Baseball Annie] who now posts in surviving divorce, I htink - you might pop over to her thread, and ask her to visit yours, or give advice there. She is a lawyer, whose h divorced her a while back - one of those who couldn't wait to be shot of her.
Can't remember whether you were around when she went to a family wedding and saw the troll he had hooked up with. Always and Lissie couldn't believe the contrast. It was like the princess and the ogress . . . Boy had he affaired down, and down, and down
w8ting....I wanted to thank you for posting on my thread...you said some very good things to me, thank you also for sharing your past with me...I am greatful and thankful for that !
Take care xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
A - I did read bBA's wedding posts. I'll try and look her up and see if she has some advice.
I'm not having a good night. For some reason, I am very scared right now. The girls are across the street babysitting so I'm glad they aren't seeing me like this.
I don't know how to handle this settlement proposal.....
w8 sorry for your pain tonight and sorry I have little experience with this I did go see a L a while back and was pleasantly surprized at what I would get..What H wouldnt get..
Hang in there and fight for what you want hopefully the money will come -pray, let god direct you It seems like most of these H who walk away take a big hit peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
w8ing- I hope you are doing better today. I am sorry about your what you are going through. I know that you can request that your attorney's fees get paid as part of the settlement, but that doesn't help you with a retainer. There has to be some way to do this...how do other women manage? I think only as a last resort, would I explain the situation with your H.
I think I may have asked you this before, but did you love your H pre-bomb? Are you questioning how your feel about him now as a defense mechanism? I agree it is hard to feel love for someone who has done such selfish, hurtful things. I know you will think this through and give your M every chance you possibly can for your D's sake.
I hope things get easier for you...but you are strong and can handle whatever may come your way.
UD - I did love my H pre-bomb. It is getting harder and harder for me to remember that though. I really had to think about your question.....
Peace - at this point, H is trying to make sure that he doesn't take a hit. That's why I need to figure out the property settlement soon....
Monday, I decided to GAL. I went shopping in another city with a group of friends. I asked H weeks before if he could pick up the girls from school and keep them for the night.
He went to see OW and his flight was delayed coming back. He was three hours late in picking up the girls. They were passed around at the school as each teacher they were passed to left. They finally ended up at cheerleading practice.
H never told me about this....the girls did. His family was out of town. The two people who would be able to get the girls and care for them in our absence were with me. What would he have done if his flight was cancelled?
I am furious that he was this irresponsible. But have I said anything? No. Have I documented it? You bet.
Just when I think he can't stoop any lower or be anymore self centered....
But, hey....at least he got to see his girlfriend.....
Hi w8ing- Your H sounds as irresponsible as my XH. I don't blame you for being angry...I can imagine how much you want to tell him off, so good job keeping your composure...
Well, I hope you had a good time shopping with your friends since it looks like you may not be doing that again anytime soon unless you have a contingency plan.
This is all part of the ride...so stay in your seat if you can.
I don't blame you for being angry...I can imagine how much you want to tell him off, so good job keeping your composure...