Today was a tough one with H. I went out early this morning to run errands and stopped to check on H. He had tm me last night and I was worried about him. I thought this may show him that i care.
He looked horrible when I saw him. Just laying on the couch. Once again he said that he wished he would sleep forever. That getting up to do anything was just too hard. I sat with him for a bit and then left to go grocery shopping. He said he would be up later to work on the tree.
H came by around 1 to do the tree. He could barely function. He helped move it and put the lights on with me and then d12 decorated it. I asked if he wanted to stay for dinner later and he said it was too hard to be here. I wonder if it is guilt. He had mentioned a few days ago about how much guilt he feels when he is around us.
Anyway, we decorated the tree and I went in my room to put laundry away. MIL called h (as she is in florida right now) and it was all he could do to pull it together to talk with her.
H and I looked over D12's christmas list. I told him I was shopping tomorrow and he said he may have something going on but will let me know if he would be coming with me.
A while later he came back into the bedroom and said he was leaving. He said he had the chills and was just not feeling well. Was going to go lay down. He said he may come back later.
So, all in all, not sure what is going on. Snodderly, could he be in this deep depression and still be in replay with MOW at the same time? I feel like the guilt of the situation is driving him into withdrawal right now. He is a mess.
So, I cooked dinner and saved him some in case he comes back. If not, leftovers for tomorrow. I don't know where his head is and I worry that his heart is still with MOW.
I pray he went home when he left here and not to her. I just have to have faith in God that he didn't. He is barely functioning around me....but is that an act for me or reality right now?
