State of Mind

[BeingMe]

Journalling ...

My H was away this weekend, visiting his brother in Florida, so will only be back home on Friday. It's quite strange getting used to being alone ... one becomes somewhat independent and self-reliant (which is not a bad thing to be in general, but my H likes to be needed), and possessive of one's space (such as the bed). When he is home on weekends, I sometimes feel crowded in. Not sure if I'm making sense here. I do look forward to seeing him, but we seem to live such separate lives now, and even have very little to talk about when he calls on the phone. Not sure what I can do to change things. Will have to give it some thought. I feel very detached from him right now, and I think I allowed myself to be so as a self-protective mechanism.

My job hunting continues. I have been to a couple of interviews at the local college, but have not received a job offer. I have two interviews there on Tuesday for temp., part-time positions, so I hope I get one. The one is only 2 months long, and the other is a whole year, so I would prefer the second one.

I need to get back to exercising, writing, and painting. I have been feeling somewhat lazy, and apathetic these past couple of months. Not sure why ... perhaps it's the winter blahs! I feel like a wind-up toy that's wound down. I don't even have much of a Christmas spirit this year. I guess I miss my children who are far away, and there is no chance of their coming home, or our going there. We were going to visit D27 in St. Louis just before Christmas, but our water heater ceased working, and we had to buy and have installed a new one which ended up costing Cdn$2,700. Rather a lot for a water heater, but we did get a tankless one, which is a lot kinder to the environment, and easier on the monthly bill, although I suspect it will take as long as the guarantee (10 years) before it begins to pay for itself. Anyway, the point is, we don't have as much money to spend this Christmas, especially on travelling. We may still go to our previous city to visit D20 and other family. Depends on the weather, and if the roads are safe since it will be a trip over the Rockies (approx. 12 hours away).

I am sure I will have gained my Christmas spirit by the time it arrives. I just need to read some uplifting books, and listen to some Christmas carols and such. This time of year is usually my favourite, but the dynamics of our family has changed so much, but I do try and make it as traditional as possible for our youngest, D15. She still enjoys all the decorations, the stockings, the food, and the usual things we do on Christmas Day.

Well, I have written a dictionary here, so will toodle off to do some laundry. D15 is visiting with friends and has a Christmas thing later with air cadets, and S20 is at work until this evening. So, I am on my own right now, and rather enjoying the quiet.

I will conclude this post with the following thought:
"True greatness...always requires regular, consistent, small, and sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time." --Howard W. Hunter, "True Greatness", Ensign, May 1982, 19. Another way of describing those small steps.

Take care, y'all!