The answer was staring me in the face all the time

[MaxP]

nerlami,

I know how you feel. The odd thing is my W isn't angry at me - unless I question her about the R - I get nothing other than complete detachment. When we went to marriage counselling, just before separation, she didn't want to save the R, she wanted to move on. When asked, she said she didn't spend much time thinking about our R at all. I still think about her and it every day, every night. She is in another place (mentally) and has been since the day she told me that our R isn't strong enough to survive.

I think with these WAS the only thing DBing is good for is your own personal development (and learning that talking about the R is not good). I would say that I do think you stand a better chance of changing a WAH's mind than a WAW. I think the logic process they follow is slightly different.

The turn around for the LBS is very quick. We went from trying for kids and planning to move abroad one week to nothing the next. A few weeks before we were walking on the beach during our wedding anniversary and she was telling me she loved me. I now believe that those moments are the WAS trying to convince themselves. There has been no intimacy since the bomb other than a few hugs - and the explanation for this, the best I can get in 8 months, is "it no longer feels right". Well, she's right on that score.

At least there is a lot of support available here. Even if the outcome may not be what you wish for, there are people to vent at and keep you sane. I hope someone has some answers for us both. I cannot believe that our spouses feel nothing. I think my W just doesn't want to allow me any room for hope - cruelty to be kind. I firmly believe your H doesn't believe his own comment to you, but they will say and do anything.