W went out Friday night with a friend for her bday....returned home at 2:45 am. I popped into her room to check on her and got the 'I dont want you touching me line'...nice for my PMA.. I hope these late night partying episodes get out of her system. She didnt even do this when she was younger. All signs to me point towards A. She has totally put an emotional wall up against me. She wants her space, staying out late, sleeps with her cell phone, very careful about her laptop, IDNLYAM. But I cant proove it and she wont admit it.
Sat I left in the morning w son....she didnt get up til late and didnt realize we were gone, and texted me asking where son was. of course she didnt care where I was. Her plans for the day were cancelled because her friend 'flaked out' on her. So, I was planning on taking some boys to the movie and i asked her if she wanted to come...course not, too tired. Though did nothing all day.
Sun am she is leaving to go visit the friend that bailed on her the day before. I 'thought you were pissed at her'? she answers 'yes, but I'm not going to hold a grudge'...interesting response since she's basically holding a grudge against all our neighborhood friends for 'not understanding' her motives. I noticed that she did not have her wedding ring on. I know I'm not supposed to ask, but since she's been so withdrawn and cold to me lately, I ask if she's finished wearing her ring...she answers that she had just put lotion on and took it off for that. Seeing that she makes no effort to put it back on before she leaves, I ask her if she's trying to proove something to her friend then by not wearing it. She said no and 'I'll go put it back on right now'. I thanked her and said good bye, but she was pretty grumpy about it. The wedding ring thing is a big deal to me. If she takes it off, its a sure sign to me that she's given up. Is it a 180 if I take mine off first?
When she returned, she wanted to go shopping and leave me with the kids. She went out into the garage and since I thought my car was in the way, I went out to move it. She never said goodbye or aknowledged she was leaving. So, in bad DB form I asked her why she's always coming and going without even a goodbye? She gave me a grouchy look with really no answer. So I asked her why so grouchy lately, are you just trying to make me mad by doing all this?' 'Do you just totally despise me?' Her: 'No, I dont despise you, Youre not getting any of this....I just want to be friends'....So I said o.k. and went back into the house. That was the extent of our talk.
I really dont have anyone that I would consider a friend that would treat me like this...so I doubt we could be friends if this shakes out into a D.
I guess I'm not sure really what to do. It seems when I withdrawl, she gets grouchier. The only thing I have noticed that seems to make us closer is when we go out to dinner or spend some time together. When we pull apart, we get more apart. I guess my hunch is to totally withdrawl as much as possible. That seems to be the advice and the success I have been reading all over this board. I just dont see her having any desire right now to spend time with me. So I guess go the other extreme?
Whats confusing to me is why is she o.k. or even interested in putting her ring back on if she only wants to be friends?
