Time For Me to Fly

[SallyM]

mark, have I ever told you my therapist's circle theory? its basically about co-dependency. she describes a person who is pretty much issue free as a closed circle. those of us (I definitely fall into this latter group) who had issues from childhood that were never addressed are circles with pieces missing....so picture a circle maybe 2/3 complete. that remaining 1/3rd, the empty spot, represents the piece that was never fully developed.

what most people do with that empty spot is to try to fill it with stuff...sometimes with other people, sometimes with alcoholism, drugs, food, shopping, anorexia, affairs, new jobs, new houses, etc, etc. It can be anything, and its all done to try to fill in the empty spot. the problem with that is, the only way to really fill in the empty spot is to address the deep down issues and deal with them. only I can fill in my circle, only h can fill in his, etc, etc. Trying to fill them with other things will, over time, break down....it will prove to be an illusion.

H and I are both classic incomplete circles. I've been working on myself for 9 months and still have a long way to go to close mine, but I'm getting there. H is doing nothing to close his, he's merely filling it in with other things...a new relationship, a new job, a new home, etc, etc. I do get that, I do get that this is about him and all of that, doesn't make it any easier, though.

It just seems to me that your wife is trying hard to fill her circle in here. she tried to with om, but that illusion is proving too hard to maintain, I think. still, she is trying to keep him somewhat pencilled in. at the same time, I think she's doing the same thing with the dog...she's trying, once again, to fill that circle with something new. the comment about the dog unconditionally loving her really caught my eye here about that.

anyway, I know this sounds like so much psycho-babble, but it makes sense to me. my therapist illustrated it all on a piece of paper that I carry with me in my purse, I have since she first layed it out for me back in march or april.

just wanted to share. take care.