Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[phbear316]

Well I went to church, and saw my aunt in church.. She comes to me at the end of the mass and says what is wrong, please talk to me. I just break down, I told her, then begged her not to say a word to anyone. She says she and my uncle were concerned when I saw them is Sept that my h was not around. She asked if he was leaving and i said most likely yes, he is having an affair with someone else. Mean while you have to picture this, we are in the receiving line going out the door to meet the pastor, now tears are rolling down my face and my aunt introduces me to the pastor. My aunt says she was married in this church 13 yrs ago. I tried to make it thru the introduction must have left the poor pastor thinking what the heck? My aunt and I spoke for a few minutes she wanted me to come to the house for coffee, i decline, could not do it, also not feeling that great, cold is getting the better of me. My aunt says to me, i wish i has something to say to you but i don't you know i am here if you want to talk. She says come to church next week i agreed to. When i dropped her off, I begged her not to say a word, she promised she would not, she knows how our family is.

I feel i have nothing left, nothing more to give, I dont want to give up, but its 1230 and h still is not home. I feel i am at the end of the whole journey. and the road is gone in front of me, and the road behind me is washed away.

I have to find the strength, I know i have it i don't want to give up. I just am going to a dark place i don't like. But I will go here if it gets me somewhere

bear