doing things with WAS/MLCer

[tmi]

I just asked this question in another post, but it's probably better to start a new thread.

Has anyone tried to move towards doing fun activities with their spouse when their spouse is planning to leave the marriage? I'm scared to ask at this point, partly because I don't enjoy rejection and partly (mostly) because I think he'll interpret it as chasing.

Any experience with this? Suggestions?

[tmi]

Reposting this question, as there seems to be a bit more traffic today:

I just asked this question in another post, but it's probably better to start a new thread.

Has anyone tried to move towards doing fun activities with their spouse when their spouse is planning to leave the marriage? I'm scared to ask at this point, partly because I don't enjoy rejection and partly (mostly) because I think he'll interpret it as chasing.

Any experience with this? Suggestions?

[doa180]

Didn't work for me. All it did was to create expectations, which of course were not met.

[JMC]

Initially I did many things with my MLC-WAW. She moved out mid-Feb 07, but would come over on weekends to get the house ready to sell. This would involve dinner, sleep overs, intimacy...etc. This was usually her instigating. We planned our daughter's college graduation party, attended her birthday party in mid July etc. However, after we sold our house (late June), we were never again intimate.

I did some snooping, she found out and is now in a relationship with a guy she has been seeing for a year or so. My understanding is that this guy no longer has a serious girlfriend and now has time to spend with my MLC-WAW.

My suggestion would be to let your spouse come to you. If that does not happen, perhaps as a LRT do something different and meet for coffee/lunch/drinks or whatever. Of course avoid R talks and DB. I know easier said than done.

Good luck.

[angelica]

Ingrid - if it is MLC, in my experience it won't work. They are 'determined' to have their crisis, and resent any attempts to deflect it. But I have a very deep hurting MLCer.

Some of them seem much nicer, and may be more amenable to enjoying life!! I would try anything - if it doesn't work you are no worse off. And you might enjoy it anyway.

A

[ba065]

Ingrid: I am in the process of doing fun things with my MLCer. He's still in the home but there is OW. She is M and so evenings and weekends are the times I spend with my H. We go to dinner, movies, dancing. We are intimate sometimes even though he is sleeping in the basement now. It's so up and down...we'll have wonderful times and then bam....bad for days. I really do see his confusion. I don't know if it's helping or not....I feel kinda like it's keeping him on the fence which is maybe prolonging the problems, but I also feel like it's keeping him connected to me in a positive way. I feel like I am the only stability in his life and I want him to be able to find comfort in that since everything else is so up in the air!?

BA

[ba065]

Maybe I'm the one who's nuts?

BA

[tmi]

Thanks for your responses. Unfortunately, my H is moving ahead with his plans to move out after Christmas, so I won't have much chance to do anything with him anyway, I guess.

[ba065]

Don't give up.....try to make some plans and see if he takes the bait? My H has been late to some things I've scheduled, but he has come and we've had a good time together!

BA

[JMC]

I agree with ba065. As I previously indicated, my WAW and I got together quite often after she moved out.