Fifth month of WAW (Thread 4)

You kind of skipped over it pretty quick, but was it hard to ignore your anniversary? Are you doing ok with that? You seem to talk a lot about how your W is feeling, but how have you been emotionally lately? Make sure that you're not bottling all this up inside. It may come boiling over at some point and hurt a lot of the progress that you've made. I'm not saying that it will happen, but I'm just wondering...

I feel pretty good - Mostly I am concerned with W's state of mind and her ability to take care of D, but she seems to be doing much better recently. I've been doing a pretty poor job of GALing recently - Weather has been crappy, plus I've been spending so much time with W and D. I did get an awful lot of stuff done at home this last week, which made me feel much more together.

As for the anniversary - I had exceedingly low expectations, so I wasn't particularly disappointed. W and I have never really been big into celebrating that kind of stuff in the first place, so I certainly didn't expect significant this year.

[bhopeful]

Ok. Good. I was just concerned that you may have pushed your feelings aside. It seems as though you've thought it through. I don't know why I ever doubted you Brit!!!

YES. Patience Brit. Don't get antsy. You say improvements are few and far between. Just enjoy it.

Don't dig up the sapling and see if it has sprouted roots yet. Let it grow. it takes time.

We're pulling for you.

You're right - I need to just enjoy what is happening and not try to accelerate the process. I've not found much information on this stage of it all. I read through a few books last night and they all pretty much went from WAW to piecing without the part in the middle

Question: Would it be a 180 for you to go to get a facial and get some facial care advice? Would your wife like it if you took more care in your appearance?

It would be a 180, but I doubt much would come of it. I'm usually pretty good about it, but not this week

Fairly decent day overall - Nothing too exciting.

W brought D over to put the tree up and decorate it. W played with D while I got everything out of the attic and figured out what we were missing. Before we got started doing anything, W was complaining that she was hungry, so we went out for dinner together. Afterwards we went and bought some groceries for W and lights for the tree. I picked out a few things at the store, but W wouldn't let me pay for them. I didn't try fighting her too hard about it.

We got the tree up, lights and ornaments... We even hung up our family ornaments that W had made for us in '05 and '06 (little faces with the cats and us on). She even pointed out that I should put up the '06 one because it had D on it.

We gave D a bath and put her to bed. W and I ended up watching the rest of Kill Bill on TV, and she reluctantly left afterwards - She seemed perfectly at home on the couch reading and watching TV with me. Hug, kiss, ILY - Usual stuff. She told me she would see me tomorrow, although I don't think we have anything planned.

W was obviously very unhappy and down today - She said it was just the weather, but I'm sure there is more to it. D was going nuts when we were putting the tree up and W made a few remarks about how she wishes she could be that happy, then corrected herself and said that she wished that something would make her just a little happy. I asked her if she had talked to her psych about her meds, but she said she wanted to wait a little while to see what happens.

I've been talking to W on IM pretty much since she got home - She just sounds so lost and confused.

[lizzy]

Glad you did another good day of DBing Brit. I screwed up againg today and I'm ready to throw in the towel. I won't, but I want to today.

[jmw128]

I'd have to say that at least you are communicating...that helps.

[Wooglint]

Brit,

Hang tight. It sounds like she thinks she needs you and it probably freaks her out a little. Give her time. It sounds like you are doing well.

(3:43:35 PM) W: I don't know what to feed her tonight
(3:43:53 PM) M: I'd probably avoid spaghetti ;-)
(3:44:02 PM) W: haha!
(3:44:08 PM) W: she liked it, though
(3:44:11 PM) M: oh yeah
(3:44:20 PM) M: if we'd waited an extra few hours she might have finished it
(3:44:31 PM) W: she was mad when we took it away :-)
(3:44:35 PM) M: oh yeah
(3:45:20 PM) W: maybe I'll get one of those chicken things at Giant Eagle
(3:45:25 PM) M: mmmmmM!
(3:45:30 PM) W: did you want to come over and eat chicken?
(3:45:37 PM) M: hell ya!
(3:45:39 PM) W: ok
(3:45:55 PM) W: maybe you could pick up D and swing by then
(3:46:00 PM) M: sure
(3:46:07 PM) M: do you need me to bring potatoes or anything else?
(3:46:21 PM) W: nope, I've got to go to the grocery anyway
(3:46:26 PM) W: I think I have most everything

I'd have to say that at least you are communicating...that helps.

Yep, plus she bought Christmas cards for 'us' today too. She is going to print pictures of D to put in them all.

[bhopeful]

Those both sound very positive. Congrats.

And she's getting dinner for you. Isn't that a 180 for her?