not a peep

[MaxP]

A huge percentage of marriages get saved, because the leaving personone decided to "stick around for the children". or "stick t out for the money". or...."

I think that this is one thing that makes me mad, the refusal of my W to work through a downturn and give it a chance rather than immediately heading for the exit.

And that has already happened for him. In 2001, we had a BAD summer. He was sad, lonely, mad back then and ready to divorce, but decided to do the "right thing" and stick it out for the kids. The past 6 years haven't been horrible- in fact, we had a lot of good times especially the past couple years when my thyroid was fixed, but he already had decided there was an exit, so, in my opinion, he never fully committed to putting effort into the marriage.

I think that once people feel that there is an exit and that it is acceptable to use it you lose all power. They start to move along the emotional curve before they leave making the pain less intense for themselves. I can't help but feel that once you behave in this way you form a habit for life though - and miss out on some really good stuff that comes after fighting for a better future.

At this juncture, I don't think there is anything I can do to change his mind. I have been trying since late 2005 to stop this train. I don't want to convince, cajole, manipulate, guilt,scare financially or anything else to get him to come back. As sad as I am at what looks to be the ultimate outcome, I am tired. I think I deserve to be loved, REALLY loved and cherished and he can't do that right now or maybe ever.

Hey Trixi, you know I feel for you here. This is how I feel alot of the time, at least until someone pulls the next bit of the sticking plaster away.

Max