GGG- What it means to me.

[MJontheMend]

The thing with polyamorous arrangements is that they rarely work.

Well, it depends on how you define "work". Plus, can anybody on this BB say that committed monogamous relationships generally "work" or that simply deciding to Tom-or-Tomasina-cat around "works"? Human beings of both sexes have difficulties with sexual relationships because we are torn between the desire to act like swans and mate for life and the desire to act like bonobos and f*ck anyone attractive in sight. Obviously, as reflected in the double standard, in our culture women are generally expected to be the partner who pushes for swan-type relationships. IMO, this is why more women are LD in LTR's. OTOH, although I consider myself to be post-feminist, I reject the Rriot grrl type sexual philosophy of "do him before he does you" because it is a philosophy that does not recognize that men also desire to pair-bond. No man is pure wolf/monkey anymore than any woman is pure cow/bunny. Therefore, if I consider the word "slut" with its usual negative connotations, I would define a "slut" as being a woman who does not recognize or care for the "puppy dog" in her male partners. I have never been a "slut" because I am pretty much incapable of not caring for the "puppy dog" in my male partners (probably for the same reason that I am pretty much incapable of letting a baby cry in a crib) and that is one of the reasons why I have never cheated on a man.

Clearly, societies which tend towards polygamy generally suppress the rights and sexuality of women and thereby allow men to have multiple mates while women remain monogamous. A completely non-sexist society would recognize the two different mating tendencies in both sexes and not act to repress or be punitive. I believe that it is possible to have a long-term monogamous relationship in which both partners recognize, respect and empathize with these tendencies in each other but the kind of differentiation/compersion necessary to make that relationship work would be the same that would make any polyamorous relationship work and the person in a polyamorous relationship would actually have more sex.

For you to date more than one person is a good idea. I don't define dating more than one person as polyamorous. It is adding the commitment piece to one or more relationships that takes a situation from dating multiple people to polyamoury. It is anxiety provoking though. It produces anxiety because society doesn't know what to do with it but also, the anxiety comes from that need to please. It is difficult enough to please one person but more than one is impossible. The good part of this experiment would be if you learned to please yourself and leave the anxiety to please in those whom you date. KWIM??

I am trying to figure out how to please myself and part of pleasing myself is following some sort of code of ethics. Letting other people try to please you while not concerning yourself with pleasing them is not very ethical in my book.