W came back from her errands and we woke D up - Stood in line for an hour and a half to take her to see Santa, and she screamed the whole time they took the picture! We wandered around some shops at the Mall, then went out to dinner together. Afterwards we went to Starbucks, came back to my house and W left with D.
Random stuff from the day
1) I didn't have time today to get a tree. W suggested that she comes over tomorrow with D and we can get one and set it up tomorrow. She said she would get 'a little plastic thing' for her house, since we are 'doing Christmas here'.
2) W arranged for her Mom to watch D next Thursday/Friday while we're out of town. I wasn't sure if she really wanted to stay overnight (we could get away with not staying away - it's just 2hrs from here).
3) W talked a lot about OM and his gf. She was particularly critical of both of them, but kept reminding me (or herself?) that she wasn't talking to him anymore. I'm very cautious to really say "Yeah, it sounds like you shouldn't talk to him", since she'll probably read too much into it. On the other hand, I have been listening and talking her through whatever she is thinking.
4) Today was our anniversary. She didn't mention it at all. Neither did I. She's processing a lot related to OM right now - I felt like she needed time to do that without pressure or reminders.
5) I've made a point of being more 'touchy' with W, and she hasn't responded negatively (although, I've not got anything super positive out of her). Stuff like touching her back when she's walking in front of me, or holding her shoulder when she is close. I told her that her hair was looking really nice, and ran my hand through it, and she told me that she appreciated the compliment because she did something different with it this morning. I dropped quite a few compliments and positive references today and she seemed really happy to hear it.
6) W wants to buy a new car next year, so she asked me if I would help her out in figuring out financing and everything. She is really into cars, so she certainly doesn't need me to tell her what to buy, but I'm usually a lot better than her at dealing with the money end of things and negotiating. I don't think she's going to have any money for a LONG time, but at least it's something.
7) When we were waiting to see Santa, she said that she wanted to get some blackheads off the side of my cheek that were bothering her. Yeah, it sounds stupid, but it's something she used to do when we were first together.
That's about it - I'm not really sure if what I'm doing right now is good, bad or indifferent. I'm just letting W set the pace of it all and occasionally pushing her a little to see what sort of response I get. As usual tonight I got a hug, kiss and ILY, although it was kind of rushed because it was cold outside.
hang in there brit...you are a power of example...wish I had more to offer
why im here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1247860&page=1#Post1247860 me 47 w 44 m 20 s 18 s 14 s 8 bomb dropped 10/8/07
7) When we were waiting to see Santa, she said that she wanted to get some blackheads off the side of my cheek that were bothering her. Yeah, it sounds stupid, but it's something she used to do when we were first together.
No insight, but I just thought this was funny. W used to do this as well to me when we were dating, she loved it. Never thought this was even remotely common.
I remember a time when her roommate came in and caught us doing that. It was almost more embarrassing than if she'd walked in on us doing other stuff...
Oh, and 5) seems nice. Affection and compliments that are positively, or at least neutrally, received sounds like a step in the right direction.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021
Something I forgot about from yesterday - I was working from home and W and I talked a lot in the morning via IM. I took a shower and had lunch (yeah, I was lazy...) and noticed that W didn't go idle around lunch time like she usually does. I don't even know if she had lunch or not. Anyhow, I made a point not to talk to her for the rest of the day, until she called me and asked when I would get home so we could go for dinner - I had told her the night before that I was home, so I guess she forgot (she remembered when I reminded her).
When she got here for dinner she asked where I had been all afternoon. Not sure if that was her searching for someone to talk to at the time, or that she noticed I wasn't around. I have usually tried to not contact her that much, although it has been an entirely positive thing in the last six weeks or so. She'll have days when she is obviously distracted, but on the whole she will talk to me none stop all day.
Patience Brit. I think that is the key in your situation. Your consistency is what I think is keeping her coming back. I do see positives in your situation. The fact that you're being more "touchy" and she's not pulling away. She's coming to you for advice. She seems to be putting an effort into spending time with you and D. It seems like she feels that she can come to you with whatever is on her mind. So kudos to you for making all this happen. You really are a wonderful example of putting the DB principles into action.
You kind of skipped over it pretty quick, but was it hard to ignore your anniversary? Are you doing ok with that? You seem to talk a lot about how your W is feeling, but how have you been emotionally lately? Make sure that you're not bottling all this up inside. It may come boiling over at some point and hurt a lot of the progress that you've made. I'm not saying that it will happen, but I'm just wondering...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Good morning Brit. I was going to reply to your question about my comment in your last thread only to find it locked. I have told my husband some comments/compliments/flirtations that other men have said to me to see how he reacts. That is what I think your W might be doing when she tells you what the guys at work are saying.
Sorry your anniversary went by without a mention. However, that is probably better than pretending that everything is normal. (what we did) It sounds like you had a very positive day otherwise.
Good morning Brit. I was going to reply to your question about my comment in your last thread only to find it locked. I have told my husband some comments/compliments/flirtations that other men have said to me to see how he reacts. That is what I think your W might be doing when she tells you what the guys at work are saying.
Ah, I see - Yeah, that makes sense
Originally Posted By: lizzy
Sorry your anniversary went by without a mention. However, that is probably better than pretending that everything is normal. (what we did) It sounds like you had a very positive day otherwise.
Certainly - My priority right now isn't to have a 'happy anniversary', it's to improve the relationship with my W. I've not heard from her yet today, but she's supposed to come over this afternoon with D to do the tree.
YES. Patience Brit. Don't get antsy. You say improvements are few and far between. Just enjoy it.
Don't dig up the sapling and see if it has sprouted roots yet. Let it grow. it takes time.
We're pulling for you.
Question: Would it be a 180 for you to go to get a facial and get some facial care advice? Would your wife like it if you took more care in your appearance?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
