Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning

[phbear316]

SG

I feel he is walking out the door one way or the other. H has to know how I feel he needs to hear what he is doing to me.

I had to tell him how i feel. There was not raised voices during this conversation, it was a normal toned conversation, no yelling, even very little tears on my part. Only toward the end did i start to cry.

SG- if i'm wrong i am wrong, h has to know what is in my soul. call it a last ditch effort on my part. If he is gone he is gone. I have to try for not trying is killing me more than you know.

SG I know what you are saying I do not want this to be over with H and I. But i don't know why today was the day that presented it self for me to put it all out on the table. it is all or nothing for me right now.

If h wants back he will have to make the next move. What do i do about tomorrow?

I dont want to give in or give up, h things this is just a fun ride for him best of both worlds. no.... sorry h you need to realize what you are doing.

my heart is on the silver platter ready and waiting. If he chooses to take if off and stomp all over it, its ok, i will pick it up and dust if off. I;m not letting go I won't let go

bear

SG please help me

[sgctxok]

I hate the MLC term. Forget it if you can.

Suppose it wasn't MLC.

Suppose he just isn't happy.


Suppose YOU weren't happy and you thought someone was providing you an out. A place where you could escape and really be happy. Or happier. Where would you go.


And suppose the place where you weren't happy starting shoveling more of the same at you and trying to get you to stay. Would you? Or would you run.



That's where your H perceives he's at.

And when you tell him all the things you told him, you didn't provide reasons to stay, you provided reasons to leave. You reminded him why he isn't happy. Knock it off.


You DO know what to do. Because you start doing it then lapse into this. You don't have leeway now, because it is getting worse.

IT ISN'T TOO LATE


START NOW

BEGIN AGAIN

DUCT TAPE i'm not kidding---i know folks who use it on their mouths

[phbear316]

Jenny

Thank you

Thank you , thank you

bear

[phbear316]

Jenny

Thank you

Thank you , thank you

bear

[phbear316]

sg

so what are you saying i do tomorrow, just let him say he wants out and agree with it, i can't , i can't do it

How do I show him i want to be with him, how do i show him here is where he belongs,

how do i do this tomorrow, i just planned to listen to him tomorrow validate what he had to say

How do i not push him, There was no pushing today, just pure honesty, thats all

if you cannot be honest with yourself who can you be honest with?

how do i handle tomorrow SG

[phbear316]

sg

question

How am i wrong? H needs to know how he is being disrespectiful to me? I said what I said today, it needed to be said. weather it was today or tomorrow or three weeks from now. H has to know my true feelings

How was i wrong for opening my mouth tonight vs any other night?

H needs the two by four to the side of his head. I did not pick it up, I talked from my heart and soul, not anger or fear or hatred.. It was true love in my mind. IF I am wrong than I am

How is h ever going to know the changes i have made or that I am willing to change for him. someone has to get thur to him better it be me than her.

She is superficial, I am the real thing, who will love him thru thick and thin. better or worse

SG, h know what makes him happy, and i feel i can make him happy, he was once happy with me., We can make that happen again.

I feel how does someone know what you feel if you don't tell them the truth?

H needs to realize i am human with feelings good and bad. I will work with and wait for him. I don't think he new what my committment to us was, h had to be told.
I need to try every aspect of this every angle. If i am wrong than i am. I have to let him know I love him and want him in my life.

that i am willing to wait this out. for wks , months, yrs. I have no time limit.



bear

[sgctxok]

I didn't say you are wrong. I said it will not work this way, you are pushing him out the door.

Go back and read the Last Resort Technique.

[sgctxok]

so what are you saying i do tomorrow, just let him say he wants out and agree with it, i can't , i can't do it


You really don't have a choice...if he wants out he can get out. You don't have to agree with it.

How do i not push him, There was no pushing today, just pure honesty, thats all



You are kidding yourself. Honesty is not saying what you feel when you feel it because you feel it.

Honesty is telling the truth when you're asked. He didn't ask you. He already knew those things.



how do i show him here is where he belongs,

1) show is correct not tell
2) make him happy, do the things that are REAL GIVING...what does he want?



how do i handle tomorrow SG

You cannot do what you did today.

If he talks you LISTEN with duct tape on your mouth. Tell him you really want to absorb what he has to say.


Don't tell him you want to work it out unless he asks.
Don't tell him you agree to divorce.
If he asks you anything, be honest.


Then you go do something nice and good for yourself to take care of yourself.


DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOU BEG/PLEAD/or CRY.




You have the right. It will just backfire. And you already have prove that it does that for you.


****

You might try reading TRUCE TRIGGERS.

[Jeanette1120]

bear,

you will be fine today, you will listen with an open mind and a zipped lip. remember, the only person you can control is you. he is going to do what he wants when he wants and you are going to let him. today you will not speak of your wants or wishes, you will listen to his.

your honestly, while well validated on every angle, is not his honesty. you need to hear his honesty. he knows yours. it only makes him feel more guilty and then he will not want to be around you as his guilt will grow.

tomorrow you will go dark. tomorrow will be all about bear. tomorrow you will not be there with dinner cooked, nor will you participate in helping him if he has already started. tomorrow you will start letting him be the big boy he is, he can do his own laundry, make his own coffee and get his own damn water.

if, during your husbands talk today this is what he wants, give it to him. give him exactly what he needs.

surround yourself with positives. right now he is a negative and it is impacting you with negative thoughts, feelings and actions.

this is hard, this is painful but this is life. you will survive. you will survive with or without him. it question is, will he?

much love, much blessing and much strength.

Jeanette

[phbear316]

Jeanette

I know today he will tell me he does not want to continue in this marriage.

I know today he will tell me he is going to fla for xmas.

So I cannot say i don't agree with ending this marriage. its ok for him to make my decision for me, without me having a say

All i want to say about him going to fla is if you feel you need to go to clear you head and it will bring you back to me than i cannot and will not stop you.

cant say that either can i

I want to listen today I truly do, I want him to talk to me, really talk. not just say you did this and you did that and you won't do this.

what i said yesterday was not for guilt purposes, it was to show him, i am human, and you are hurting me. The opportunity presented it self and i took it.

I will do my best and find the strength to keep my mouth shut today if he talks to me.

So am i to give in, and just agree with him, that if he wants a divorce just say yes and give in. Does not sound right to me

I am going to church in a little while, maybe it will bring me some comfort

((hugs))
bear