Separated and hating it.

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi everyone,
I am new to this topic but have been on another for a few months. I am so unsure of myself. One minute I feel strong and sure and the next I'm crying and unsure.

We have been separated pretty much since August. There have been issues, brought on by both of us. My H had been talking to an OW when he left but is adamant that she had nothing to do with his decision to leave. I'm not buying it. As far as I know he broke it off with her about 3 weeks ago. She managed to show her true colors.

Anyway, I had thought we had been making progress, talking, spending time online with each other playing games. I have this feeling that he is still looking to greener pastures though.

I have had a problem with snooping for a long time. H hates it, rightly so. I have been trying to stop and think I have been doing a pretty good job.

He says that he doesn't want to come home until he sees "changes" in me. I'm trying. But...I feel very hurt that he doesn't seem to see any problem with his behavior. Whenever I try to talk to him about our R, he says he doesn't know, not sure, can never give me an answer. Btw, he only took one suitcase with him when he left. We have been spending the holidays together and I think things are improving but then he leaves and is distant again.

I told him today that I really needed to know if he wanted me to wait for him. He said he didn't know but that if I couldn't, I could file. Again, never a straight answser. I told him that I would wait but not if he was using the time to look for something better. That I needed to know that he was being faithful while he was "figuring" things out. I also told him that I was working on letting him go and give him space.

I am so confused. We have been playing and talking, was that progress? I just don't know.