Oh, forgot to mention. Tonight the wife called me an "internet predator." Not really sure what that is..... but everybody beware. Just so you are all warned in advance.... I feel a responsibility to notify my internet friends.
So make sure your firewalls are locked. Hide the women and children.
Your wife went out to lunch a long time ago and hasn't come back. Why can't your current dog give her unconditional love? I can't understand her at all. You know I usually think I am a rational person, and if I put myself in another person's shoes I can imagine how they are thinking. But I can't figure her out at all.
Why can't your current dog give her unconditional love?
Our current dog favors her above all of us. The dog won't even eat if she is not home. And the dog follows her around the house. But the wife wants a dog she can pick up. Oh, that's gonna solve all the problems...
Originally Posted By: Sara
But I can't figure her out at all.
Join the club...
Just remembered something else. One of her big beefs with me is her contention that I am incapable of empathizing with others. And I did point out in the course of the argument that she showed absolutely no empathy toward me in the way she handled the dog, as well as the subsequent disagreement. She didn't like hearing that from me. Too bad.
I know you are having a very rough time, and I hope you know that I sympathize with you, deeply and sincerely, and that I am on your side in this. Having said that, I am afraid that I need to do a little 2x4-upside-the-head action here. As always, take the advice or leave it - it's your life and your decisions.
Remember this discussion?
Originally Posted By: Rob1231
Mark, your head is exactly the place it needs to be. Good for you! Take some comfort from the fact that you are the sane one here - while she is wildly confused, and focuses her energies on lies and deceptions and stupidity. "Live above it" - what a terrific motto for you right now.
OK, so your F'ed up W goes out and looks at dogs again. She is one royally screwed up mess - no doubt about it. She's MLCing like crazy, and fishing around for external things to make her happy - typical and pathetic. But, just like the A, this dog AIN'T ABOUT YOU, BRO. It's all about her, about being desperate and lonely and confused. Yes, it's selfish and self-centered to do this without consulting you - that's part of the script.
Back to that old saw, you can't control what she does, you can only control how you react to it. So, the question is, knowing that your W is off her rocker in MLC La La Land, how are you going to react?
You said this yourself not long ago:
Originally Posted By: Ohio_Mark
"Do or do not. There is no "try."" -Yoda
So, are you DBing, or are you LMBTing? I'll be honest, I haven't read Dobson, and I am glad. That's not the kind of thinking and negative energy I want to invite into my brain.
Are you standing for your marriage, or are you walking away from it? I think I see a lot of waffling back and forth over that line from you in your recent posts. You'll live above it one day, but you're furious and done the next.
Originally Posted By: Ohio_Mark
And I also pointed out that, actually, it was quite consistent with her recent behavior (adultery). This was the crux of my reaction. Disrespect. Dr Dobson made me do it...
She did end up apologizing. For whatever that's worth (not much). And the kids heard most of it. I know they heard the part about her boyfriend. ... She was intentionally using the kids to manipulate the situation.
I have to say, it sounds like it was you who brought up OM in this conversation. Even if she said it first, don't tell me you had no control over where the conversation went, or whether it was conducted in earshot of the kids - I don't buy that. Sorry to say, it sounds to me like you are the one using the kids - outing her A to them so you can be the good guy and she will be the bad guy. Tell me I'm wrong?
Bottom line, I think you need step back from the sitch for a bit, and decide where you really, truly stand on your M. Is your long-term goal to save your marriage, or to get a divorce? And once you decide, I think you need to start acting consistently in the way that moves you in that direction.
I hope, for your sake, for your kid's sake, and yes even for your wife's sake, that you still are standing for your marriage. I believe you are a great dad and husband to have come this far, and I admire the strength and courage you have shown to get here. Whatever your decision, I will support you in making it.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
No, Rob. I am not standing for my marriage. Not any more. I am standing for myself and for my kids. We deserve better than what she is providing. I am completely fed up with being treated with such contempt. I have had absolutely enough. For my own sake and for the sake of my kids, I feel like I need to draw a line in the sand.
I get the whole f-ed up MLC thing. However, I don't want to look back on these events and question my ability to stand up for myself. I don't understand why a MLC is a free-pass for her to act with such contempt toward me.
And when is it "enough?" I don't see how a rational adult can tolerate this kind of behavior month after month. It's been 15 months for me. I think that's just about enough.
This is not about marriage any more. It's about demonstrating respect. She has none for me. None at all. Zero. And I have had enough.
First off, yes enough is enough, and having been in contact with you over the months, you have taken enough. She is on a different planet. How much is someone supposed to endure? As much as they can handle I guess, but when does it get to the point when you are just gettting taken advantage of and sh$t all over.
Yes she is really left the building... and you my dear have to stand up for yourself and you kids that is your job now. You are already doing that. Her MLC is NO excuse for the way she treats you or her children.. its not acceptable.
You do what is best for you, not every M can be saved, you've given it your all and that's all you can do. 15 months is a long time, especially when there has been very very few positives on her end. You can't continue to go through your life like this.. life is too short.
Take care my friend... ((((hugs)))
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
One more thing. Over the past few weeks, she has said to me more than once, "We need to move on." And my reply has always been the same. "Go ahead. Move on." Or. "OK. Pull the trigger."
I am convinced that she doesn't have the sack to do it. She says she wants out, but she doesn't have the guts to file (or even approach me regarding a serious discussion of a settlement... or even make an appointment for both of us to see a lawyer!).
I am now faced with two choices. I can either DB/PMA away, acting as-if, and tolerate her disrespectful behavior. Or I can stand up for myself. Either way, the outcome will be the same.
I would stay away from her as much as possible, and let HER file. If you can stand waiting that is. I would stick up for yourself and not let her get away with anything at this point.
On the other hand if you really feel that there is hope, by all means.. continue with your db/pma.. but if you don't, I wouldn't waste my time.
Only thing I would say is try to protect your kids as much as possible from her rantings.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
