not a peep

[Dom R]

I agree with one exception-not going to do the lawyer thing.
He and I have already done some broad brush strokes regarding the finances. I *could* get more, I don't want more. As he said (in the conversation today) if we start dragging lawyers into it, then hate and bitterness will start being brought into the relationship, and he doesn't want that. Nor do I.

If you're not going to go through lawyers, then you probably need to get someone to volunteer to be your "3rd party" to avoid talking to him.

The main use of a laywer, is that you automatically have that "neutral 3rd party" so that you dont have to talk to him any more.

I totally 'get' the idea of playing hardball, but if he "came back" only because his wallet was getting hit, would I want him? no. I wanted him to come back because he loved me.

then you're a fool. lol.

A huge percentage of marriages get saved and turned into something positive, because the leaving person initially decided to "stick around for the children". or "stick it out for the money". or....
The point is, for whatever reason, they change their mind, for something other than "love", and dont go for divorce after all.

Then after a while longer, ideally, their own selfishness pokes up, and they wonder, "Hmm... well.. if I'm going to be 'stuck here'... how can I make it more pleasant?"

and that's when the real work begins, to bring back positive feelings again.

It doesnt matter so much why he comes back. The important question, is whether he comes back to stay.


Seems like he's in the middle of MLC, now. A full-blown one, not "MLC-lite" any more.
He's not going to suddenly turn around and tell you he loves you, and that everything has changed for him.

I think he is hoping we'll be one of "those" couples. You know, "those" x-couples who go out to dinner and catch up, "those" x-couples who are best friends, go on double dates, make friends with the X's new signifigant other. Give relationship advice... Yeah, I think that is what he wants. Wouldn't that just be FAB' for him?? HA!

you are showing him by your actions, that is exactly what will happen.
actions speak louder than words. change your actions.

A 180 would be for me to really accept our marriage is D-E-A-D.

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :'(

no, that's not what 180s are about.
:P

(a similar, yet different 180, would be, "recognizing that if he is determined to get a divorce, you cant stop him" (you can only make it as comfortable as possible for yourself as you can) )