Got home today, and had a blow-out with my wife. It was ugly. Not good at all.
While I was out, she went out to look at dogs. Again. This time, she had all the kids with her, and she had them convinced that we are getting another dog. They have picked-out and named this dog. I lost it. I probably over-reacted, very much contrary to DBing. A lot of the over-reaction was driven by the fact that I am currently reading LMBT. For those who don’t know, the James Dobson book Love Must Be Tough is couched in the premise that DBing is a colossal waste, and a LBS must stand up for themselves, especially in the presence of adultery. Dr. Dobson would have been proud of me tonight.
And I am not making this up: All the while we were talking/arguing, I had this song echoing in my head: "I believe it’s time for me to fly..."
In a quieter moment, I explained that, as I saw it, her "dog hunting" was incredibly disrespectful of me. She really should have discussed it with me in advance. Her reply was that I had done something similar in the past (back in February). You know the drill: "So because I did it, and it bothered you, it was OK for you to do it as well?" And I also pointed out that, actually, it was quite consistent with her recent behavior (adultery). This was the crux of my reaction. Disrespect. Dr Dobson made me do it...
She did end up apologizing. For whatever that's worth (not much). And the kids heard most of it. I know they heard the part about her boyfriend.
In the course of the argument, she said that her boyfriend’s wife sent her an email stating that she has had sex with me. I denied it (the truth). She probably believed me, because, later on, she said something like, "I really wish you would have had sex with somebody else..." Or words to that effect. She thinks I am clinging to her. She sees me as pursuing. Not sure why... She said a couple of times, "Just let me go." Um...I have....
Regardless, I believe that this is it for us. I am furious, and I am done with her. She has, at best, no regard, and at worst, absolute contempt for me. And I am tired of it. She was intentionally using the kids to manipulate the situation.
In a related note, she admitted something to me that was revealing. Not sure if it was good or bad. I asked her why she needs another dog. She said she wants an animal that she can love and hold and is happy to see her. She wants absolute unconditional love from this dog. This, IMO, is symptomatic of her needs, and absolutely consistent with her behavior. She wants unconditional love. And since the unconditional love from her boyfriend is gone, she is now seeking it from a puppy. And this is somebody that I don’t want to be with. I mean, she did it with me. She "traded me in" for her boyfriend. This is not the person I want to be with. Not for a day, a month… a lifetime. But she gets points for consistency. It could be worse...
Also...(this is kinda funny), she said, "If I really wanted the dog, it would be here." My reply, "So you are saying that if you really, really want something, you would have done it already?" She said, "Of course. Absolutely!" It then occurred to her what she just said. And she got quiet.
I ended up leaving. I walked out, and headed to the local watering hole. The one with free wireless. And here I am, nursing the pain with carbonated medication.
