I almost get this but not quite. If you can clarify with an example that would help. I think my big mistake was coming of weak when H first stood there with our new-born son not 3 days old, strapping on his boots and saying "I can't do this I'm out of here". Instead of saying "Fvck off then" I fairly clung to his legs and begged him to stay. HUGE mistake - but understandable under the circumstances. As soon as I was weak and put him on top he became cruel.
Okay, here's what I mean. You were weak bunny when you begged him to stay but you would have been some kind of dysfunctional lioness if you said "F*ck off then". Strong bunny would calmly say something like "I wish you cared to care for me and your child. I will need help. I suppose I shall have to seek it elsewhere." One of the best strong bunny things I did was the time I was lying in bed (slightly drunk, I admit) and my 2bx was standing nearby in one of his usual cranky moods and I just cheerfully pretended like I was snuggling/spooning up to some imaginary man (remember Hank?)and said something like "I wish there was someone here I could do this with." My 2bx was kind of dumbfounded. I really should have relied on Hank even more. He was very helpful (but my real life lovers have been even better!- which perhaps says something about the limits of self-validation or the imagination of even someone as irrationally optimistic as me. My post-separation sexual life has been far better than any divorce fantasy I might have had. However, my post-separation financial life has been worse. Word to the wise from a fellow Type 7, I suppose. However, given that my kids are adequately covered, I would much rather be broke than sex-starved. Much, much, much rather.)
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
