WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[Jeff223]

Overall you did well. But I have to agree with COG that you are still trying too hard to "fix" things. You are trying too hard to tell her that you are changing.

That will backfire.

The best way to "smother her with love" is to listen without offering solutions. Let her figure out the solutions on her own.

The best way to "smother her with love" is to show her your changes - not tell her.

She has moved away from you. It is up to her to move back towards you. If you move towards her she will bolt.

And she will only move in your direction if she SEES changes. If she SEES that you understand and that you care about what she is saying.

If she asks what you think share your feelings, not your fixes.

Tell her:

"I can see how you cannot trust me"

"I feel bad about how your friends and family may feel. I know how that must hurt you"

"I can see how going out socially may be wierd for you. I feel that will work itself out as I get my drinking issue handled."

See where I am going here?

Again, you did well. Keep the expectations low. In fact I would predict her anger will return again soon. She will regret appearing "weak".

If anger does return - that is a test.

Treat it as such.

[jab]

Thanks for the suggestions. I needed them. I know I must be very careful not to 'upset the boat' again for several weeks. I'm VERY aware that I cannot start smothering her now. W already mentioned this morning that just because of our conversations yesterday/this week, not to think it's ok to start pressuring/smothering her at this point. I immediately have backed off but obviously it takes alot of willpower. This is probably one very big reason that me moving out for a bit may be a good thing.

I am VERY aware that my actions and ability to not go back on my word(s) is EXTREMELY important right now. I know I need to SHOW not SAY. IMHO this is what W is waiting for, consistent change. IMHO W really wants to trust me but is very scared until SHOW her some more of what I am capable of. I MUST be patient.

I see a small improvement, W was pretty talkative about her night at work and somewhat cheerful this morning but we have a looooooong way to go. I'm at my apt right now unpacking. I'm giving this my best, will update tonight if anything new or important arises.

[I_Wanna_Make_It_Work]

this is what W is waiting for, consistent change

This is the Holy Graile of DBing.