Need Help - New Here

[TheProducer]

Please, I'm looking for help. My wife and I have been separated for 3 months and I desperately want to get back together. She filed for divorce a month and a half after separating... very fast. But she's always been fast about things. Her parents never liked me and are helping her financially to make sure the divorce goes through. We live in California, so it will take at least until April before the divorce is final. We have 3 children. I've read DB and am in the middle of trying LRT however I have stumbled and fallen more than once. That said, I think she wants to get back together... if I didn't keep falling.

Yesterday I went to pick up ornaments at our house (I'm in an apartment 3 miles away) and she started to cry when talking about the relationship. I held firm, being cool and calm. But when I got home I broke down, wanting so bad to call her... send her a song... do SOMETHING.

I guess... what I'm saying is that I don't feel like I'm going to be able to keep doing the LRT. I'll keep reaching out until its too late. Is there anyone out there who has tried and failed doing the LRT. Better yet... is there anyone who did it successfully?

I wish I had a crystal ball...

[fish]

Welcome to hell.

The success stories can be found on the piecing board. Those folks typically graduated from "We're separated" to piecing their marriage back together.

This is not easy! As the members of this community can attest, I have had serious ups and downs.

You must accept the fact that one outcome is divorce. Do your best.

Fish

[Dom R]

I've read DB and am in the middle of trying LRT however I have stumbled and fallen more than once. That said, I think she wants to get back together... if I didn't keep falling.

The "Last Resort Technique" is supposed to be... a last resort.

That means, "After you have tried all the other things".

How long have you tried "other things"?

[TheProducer]

Would have tried other things but she filed and we separated before I did anything! I read the book after being separated for 2 months.

[TheProducer]

Help!!!

[Dom R]

TP: you're missing my point (and the point of the book)

Does the book say, "try stuff, until you get separated.. then go straight to the LRT" ?

far as i remember, it does not.

[forever21]

Hi TheProducer,

Glad you found DB, and the boards. I'm not a "success story", but I have been DBing for quite a few years. I have a good understanding of it, even if I'm not a pro at applying it. I don't think there is anything wrong with using the LRT in your case. In DR, one of the times Michele suggests to use that is when you are separated or your S has filed for D already.

DBing is doing what works. Keep that in mind! Try to be consistent so you can truly see if something is working or not.

All of us have failed at times. None of us are perfect. When you fall, just get back up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward. Focus on the positives. What have you done that has worked?

I read your other posts. Is your wife the one with the drinking problem? It would be helpful if you shared a little more of your background. Were there things your W was unhappy about that you could've used to change? Anything you want to be different? What was good between you two?

Yesterday when she started to cry (not that that's a bad thing necessarily) when talking about the R, what was being said?

I guess... what I'm saying is that I don't feel like I'm going to be able to keep doing the LRT. I'll keep reaching out until its too late.

Focus on what you want. What do you want? Don't be shy here. Think big... long-term... then work your way back from there. Then you'll be able to set some short-term goals. We can help you with those here.

Most of us wished we had a crystal ball when we got here, but you can learn to accept what is, control what you can, and let the rest go by DBing. Best to you. Do something nice for you today. (((((TheProducer)))))

Peace and love, f21

[fish]

Producer -

Take a deep breath, you sound like you are in a bit of a panic and that is an absolute disaster when it comes to DBing. Those that are in panic mode usually pursue and this is a disaster course. Take a deep breath, go do something you enjoy and give it some air.

[ms ladybug]

Hi Producer,
I think LRT is right for you right now.
But, you must be consistent. Come here first when you want to call her. Come tell us all about it. Hey, send me a song instead

You stated yourself that you feel she wants to get back together. Man, don't fall now.
Read Divorce Remedy. Then, read it again.

And keep coming here. We're here for you, and sadly enough, we understand.

[Dom R]

yikes. this was confusing. 2(3?) threads, with exact same title, in different areas.

TP has posted more details on his situations, in
the following thread in Newcomers:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1289240

I suggest people reply there, not here, since that one has more details of his situation.