not a peep

[Dom R]

Regarding empathizing and saying that he is really struggling- I don't think that would be validating because he has now made it crystal clear he DOES know what he wants and he wants OUT.

i agree.

If he had said the "Nothing is Forever" thing once, I would think he was just spouting off. But, he first wrote it in the IM 'conversation' and then said it again when he actually called me. It was obviously some sort of "theme" for him yesterday.

i think it's the cake-eater in him.
he's using it to both denigrate the concept of marriage... yet at the same time, imply that divorce doesnt have to be forever either, so keep being nice to him [dangle dangle dangle nice carrot?]

Dom, I don't get what you mean regarding Retro. In the last couple of months, I told him about it being recommended by people here,(I didn't specify DB, just said "a board I read), in the context of judges and attorneys sending people there and it helping people communicate-even if only to help negotiate a divorce.

If you wish him to try retrouville... then sometimes, the context is critical.
A lot of people have gotten their spouses to go, but ONLY in the context of, "Ok, i pretty much give up; this is the last thing I want to do, before just going through with a divorce".

That being said... I'm guessing that retrouville is most effective for people who are divorcing, "because their spouse is....".
I've never been, but I'm guessing that retrouville shows couples how to re-view their spouse as "my friend who cares about me", instead of "the enemy". And teaches the couple how to keep it that way.

Trouble is... that's not the problem with your H.
you're not "the enemy". his problem isnt with YOU. You treat him well. you try to listen to his needs, and take care of him.
He knows this, does he not?
It's not about you. It's about him. It's ALLL about him, and how your marriage is standing in the way of him playing the field.



PS: oh, i guess I should explain a little more, what i meant about "the same behaviour".
If you say "i think us going to retrouville is a good idea", and he says no.... and then another time, you say, "i think us going to RT is a really good idea"... and he says no ....
If all you keep doing, is bringing up the idea of going to retrouville... he's going to keep saying no, i reckon.
Nothing has changed on your side, and the only thing that's changed on HIS side, is that he's gotten worse. so even less likely to say anything but "no", unless you change something.

aka, ye olde "stop doing what doesnt work". At the very least, try a different way of doing it.