One of the reasons many, if not most, of us are here is exactly because we were in a safe place, or so we thought.
Here is a quote I found:
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The way to be safe is never to feel secure
The safe haven we get here is that we can express our thought, feelings and idea freely without our spouses listening in. The safety we get is the safety to express our thoughts and feeling with others who are in the same boat or have been in the same boat. This isn't the good ship lollipop and I am not Shirley Temple.
Finally,
Quote:
I do realise that you have offered to not post to people at times when they have found your advice 'strong' and in nearly every case that person has come back to you and thanked you - eventually.
And that's tells me that I did help them which is the only reason that I come to this board.
But it still comes back to the you can be a bit scary thing IMP.
I stand by what I say. I think your great BUT you can scare the pants off me sometimes!!!! You didn't explain to me how you get across to someone that something is 'hot' unless they know what 'hot' means. One has to do a certain amount of learning for one's self.
Have a good weekend IMP
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
The way you show someone what hot means is not by letting them touch a red heating element on a stove. You stop them, then hold have them hold their hand over it until they get the idea. And yes, people do have to do some learning. But under your assumptions do I let someone who has never seen a train walk in front of a moving train? Do we let people continue to do things which guarantee they will never be happy - go look on survivors. There are people still bitching, moaning, and complaning years after their divorces. That's scary Get over it.
But saffie, perhaps my words are scary. But they are just words. I just still don't get what is so scary. I think the scariest thing I have ever said is that out of the 75-100 people I have personally met on the board, I can only think of 3 who are still in their marriages and none of them are happy.
This is what I find scary and I have seen it on the board. * Allowing a wayward spouse to spend you into the poor house * Blaming MLC when their spouses were the same old a-holes they always have been * Wondering why their 3rd marriage wasn't a charm * Failure to grow in 20 years of marriage * Telling newcomers that yes there spouse is in MLC after reading their first 2 paragraph post * Using one side of the story to assume they know what happened * Having a spouse tell them why they left yet still denying they played a role * Doing their personal research with a bunch of vulnerable people
I could go on, but you get the point. That is the truly scary stuff. And because we may offend someone, we can't point these things out??????????? I just felt a chill go up my spine!!!
And saffie, probably the scariest thing someone from this board ever said to me was this. After I had been divorced for 4 or 5 years, someone made a comment to the effect of is your "whore wife" still with OM. Now, that is scary.
I don't think anyone should have ever said such a thing about your exW. Was it said in response to something you posted? Actually don't bother answering that; whatever the reason it should not have been said.
I guess the reason I can sometimes find you scary is a very personal one. I like your straight forwardness and ability to be clear. However, words may just be words to you, but I have been brought up with a father who was incredibly clever and would use his aptitude with words to cut one down and belittle and hurt. I have both seen and been subjected to his behaviour. Words are a very powerful tool.Verbal scars can be as harmful as physical ones.
To be completely honest, sometimes I think you detract from the wonderful messages you put out in your posts with the way that they are written.
I do understand however that you have to be true to who you are so I'll give it a rest for now IMP.
I do enjoy my exchanges with you and I smile inside when posting to you because in the 'real' world I know a lot of people say that I am scary!!!!! Little do they know that inside this roaring lioness is a quivering mouse most of the time.
Take care my friend - and I hope you don't mind me calling you a friend.
saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
but I have been brought up with a father who was incredibly clever and would use his aptitude with words to cut one down and belittle and hurt.
saffie, I do understand the effects of words. My mother used to compare me to others making me feel like 2 cents. And it wasn't one bit clever the way she did it. It did serve to make me a better father. Of one thing I am sure, I will never compare my children to others. And when it comes time for them to make decisions about their calling in life, they are free to make their own - good or bad. I will never try to live through them.
Quote:
To be completely honest, sometimes I think you detract from the wonderful messages you put out in your posts with the way that they are written.
saffie, in the case which caused this little exchange, I knew exactly what message I was delivering, to whom, and why.
A good reason for snuggling up in front of a warm fire on a nice fur rug with the Mrs IC then!!!!!!
Man o man, I wish we got decent snow here. It arrives, brings the whole country to a standstill, (even if it only falls in one area), and then dissapears within 24 - 48 hours!!!!
Here it is just cold - the sort of cold that goes right through one - deep into the bones.
Wonder how Red is getting on - you heard anything IC?
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
A good reason for snuggling up in front of a warm fire on a nice fur rug with the Mrs IC then!!!!!!
I'll go for that. Just came in from a snowball fight with my two little girls and that would sound really nice about now...except I got two little girls that are not going to quite let that happen
Originally Posted By: saffie
Wonder how Red is getting on - you heard anything IC?
Nope, no reports out of Luv Shack, Texas yet Saffie, was that a play on words? "getting on" Ok, you can tell how my mind works
Could use some of it right about now....we're getting 10 - 12" of snow tonight 
