I would go to the resources thread and read on Cinders restored marriages thread - ImliN's post. Her h was pretty much a complete drop out, and so was BND's. I read your post elsewhere that your h had v little contact - it doesn'tnecessarily matter, and in some ways is a whole lot less wearing than the ones that hang 'visiting'.
RCR and Snodderley have a theory about contact or lack of it, which relates to their 'dependency'.
