Hi,just chatting, 2 years on and the vivid dreams are back, why when I feel so much calmer do I dream like this.
Each dream has involved H & I, last night I was lay on the bed with my head on H's chest, we were both reading through our financal settlement statement for the divorce, we were discussing each point, he was asking me to explain it all to him, he was asking me how I came up with the figures, I was explaining all this while he was stroking my hair.
I woke up upset, I've not done this for at least 18 months.
whenever H & I were going through stuff like financial matters we would usually sit very close together and read through things together, we would often lie on the bed together.
The mind plays games, Why would I place our position now into the picture of our old life, very confusing dream.
I was thinking the other day how I made myself think that H was telling the truth when he denied his A, I made myself believe him, I told people I believed him, I didn't receive any advice, people just let me get on with it.
2 yrs on I can see how I convinced myself to make myself feel better. I didn't want to face the truth, a few months later when I realised I knew the truth, the depression came crashing in acutely, for 4 months I was an absolute zombie, slowly I began to see everything clearer, I didn't understand but I knew what was happening. I began to rebuild my life and enjoy my friends and family again.
My calender, Christmas 05- happy until bomb, Christmas 06- just living day by day, pretending to be happy. Chistmas 07-living a fulfilled and happy life.
When I think about it, the pattern of the stages is the same, only difference is without OW/OM as a distraction we heal quicker than the MLCer.
H's calander, Christmas 05- wanting to be somewhere else with some else, Christmas 06- living the single life, estranged from sons. Christmas 07-living the single life, estranged from sons.
We do move on, we don't think we do but on reflection and in comparison with our WAS we move on at a healthy pace and in the right direction.
This board helped me heal quicker I think, I could sit in the comfort of my own home feeling supported in the company of the board, I think this board has helped me to be relaxed in my own company - thank you.
