The way you show someone what hot means is not by letting them touch a red heating element on a stove. You stop them, then hold have them hold their hand over it until they get the idea. And yes, people do have to do some learning. But under your assumptions do I let someone who has never seen a train walk in front of a moving train? Do we let people continue to do things which guarantee they will never be happy - go look on survivors. There are people still bitching, moaning, and complaning years after their divorces. That's scary Get over it.
But saffie, perhaps my words are scary. But they are just words. I just still don't get what is so scary. I think the scariest thing I have ever said is that out of the 75-100 people I have personally met on the board, I can only think of 3 who are still in their marriages and none of them are happy.
This is what I find scary and I have seen it on the board. * Allowing a wayward spouse to spend you into the poor house * Blaming MLC when their spouses were the same old a-holes they always have been * Wondering why their 3rd marriage wasn't a charm * Failure to grow in 20 years of marriage * Telling newcomers that yes there spouse is in MLC after reading their first 2 paragraph post * Using one side of the story to assume they know what happened * Having a spouse tell them why they left yet still denying they played a role * Doing their personal research with a bunch of vulnerable people
I could go on, but you get the point. That is the truly scary stuff. And because we may offend someone, we can't point these things out??????????? I just felt a chill go up my spine!!!
And saffie, probably the scariest thing someone from this board ever said to me was this. After I had been divorced for 4 or 5 years, someone made a comment to the effect of is your "whore wife" still with OM. Now, that is scary.
