Is it really the right thing for ME to be dating? Well, at the risk of being chastised and being told that 'two wrongs don't make a right', was it right for my H to be dating as soon as he MOVED OUT? Now that my H is in such a rush to get a divorce, why *shouldn't* I be able to go on a date?
what do YOU think? No, it is not right for your husband to begin dating. They way he has treated you is not right at all. you are not being treated fairly. I feel for you.
So what will you do about it? Are you going to begin dating to get even with your H? Probably not a good idea, at this point. You're hurt, understandably so. you don't have much good juju to offer someone new in a romantic relationship at this point. On the other hand, it does feel good when people show an interest. It's nice to be wanted. What do you need right now? Maybe you could stand to meet some new friends? In that case, match.com is not the right place, just yet. Maybe meetup.org (or something similar). Church groups.
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I am very confused how someone can say in the exact same conversation that "I want to hurry up and move on" and "nothing is forever" re divorce. If a person really thinks there could be a chance, why are they leaving?????? and why in such a hurry????? I think that is 'proof' that he is confident I will wait for him.
They don't call it a rollercoaster for nothin. People do this because they are lost, they don't know what to do, they are hurt and in emotional crisis. This is not "proof" that he is confident you'll wait. This is "proof" that this person is not sure of how they feel. And being unsure makes him feel worse!
You would like him to be sure, but he isn't. That stinks. It really does. It stinks for you, and.. this is hard to hear... but it stinks for him too. Whether he admits it or not, he is in a lot of trouble, internally.
could you try empathy? "Wow, it sounds like you're really struggling with this. I know how you feel. That must be tough for you."
Re: "Nothing is forever." Seems like you have to chalk this up to "believe 0% of what you hear and only half of what you see." He's in a tough spot, and so are you. Understandably, you are looking for meaning in every phrase, every turn of the head. But it isn't like that. he says things without thinking them through. he doesn't know what he means. My W actually said once, "we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. There are no wrong paths." This was a couple days after she resumed communicating with OM. All it was, was justification for her poor decisions, but nonetheless, that is what she felt and said. To a person who respects the idea of a committed marriage, it is clearly baloney. But it is par for the course. And your H is in a similar place.
re: fast tracking the D. can you say, "I need some more time to think about this. It's a big thing, and I'm going to need some time." But you can delay only so long, of course. The divorce process gets a schedule and it rolls along, whether you like it or not. You should try to keep the legal/business side separate from the emotional side. Keep DBing.
About Retrouvaille: He got your message. Twice. You don't need to ask any more. He's clear that you would like to go to Retrouvaille. He's thinking about it, even if he doesn't admit it. Let him think. Don't keep asking. Let it sit for a while.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
