Looks like the end

[MJontheMend]

First off, I want to say that I, obviously, absolutely understand if you are absolutely fed up and just want to get off the miserable hamster wheel but....let me explain what I meant when I said that if you were to act "strong bunny" that would be the only possible chance to move forward in your marriage. It's clear to me from your "list of things a wife should do" that your H is still signaling "Mommy make me happy and then I will behave" (my X almost literally said this during one of his attempts to reconcile with me, causing me to experience great bitter, internal not-really-funny laughter) Also, your comment "time for me to be brave" means that you are accepting the adult lioness role in terms of being willing to take on financial and other independence type functioning.

Really, what I am doing here is translating/explaining the advice that BF offered me in some sort of secret male cave crypto-code (or at least that's what I think I am doing but I'm still not sure due to the whole loss of information during transmission from Mars to Venus problem) The only hope for your marriage is to strongly signal to your H something like "I want your help and care." in a differentiated manner. IOW, you need to make yourself vulnerable, but not weak, in relation to a man whose behavior is mostly cruel (non-differentiated top) and immature (non-differentiated puppy). Another way to look at it is that you need to signal "I deserve to be cared for in a relationship." rather than "I can take care of myself but not with the likes of you around." (both are true, it's just a matter of perspective) If you signal the first consistently, your H will have no choice but to either "man up" or leave. If he is unwilling to deal with his issues with alcohol and sexuality, he will leave and do the equivalent of running away from home and getting a job in Denver that pays $7 an hour and ride a bicycle to work and live in one room on the street where the prostitutes hang out and pay zero child support.