Well, we had a great evening together. Phew!! I was kind of in the dumps because weather caused me to cancel a trip a few hours away to spend the weekend with my best friend. We were going to scrapbook, but I think Joey had issues with me going because I have said before that I just want to get away and let him be with the kids on his own for extended days and I think he'd get how it can be difficult at times. (He threw that comment in my face when we were arguing recently: "Well, when you go and visit your friend, you can get me back and show me how bad it is." However, this hadn't been brought up in the last week or two when we talked about the trip.)
I took the kids out to do some errands to give him a bit of time after work to himself, maybe that helped.
When we talked on the phone earlier, I told him I was kind of down in the dumps about the trip, and I was hoping he could cheer me up. He said ok and offered to give me a massage (rare-usually I am too ticklish to accept massages) and I said that sounded nice.
t felt good to come home and just have a happy normal vibe where it seemed like we were both *trying*. I made appetizers for dinner (yum) and we watched tv as a family and laughed about the kids. We held hands for a bit and he leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I wanna eat your box." I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have, but I asked if he could find a sexier thing to say, more romantic. I had a smile on my face, I was trying to do it nicely, but JEEZ! I am trying to teach him about what I like, b/c I think this kind of stuff creates roadblocks for me if I let them go. He chuckled and said something a little sweeter and we both laughed about it. We then made a couple jokes about "deck the halls with my balls" and a yuletide log. I have no idea why he so often reverts to this kind of talk, but I am trying to just go with the flow. I am trying to just laugh about it, but it doesn't make me hot, that's for sure. Advice on this? It keeps coming up!
He started to crash and get super tired and the kids weren't even in their pajamas yet. I nicely prodded him to help me get them in bed and offered to do most of the work and he reluctantly agreed. I think as he moved around some, he perked up a bit and helped out more than he agreed to and in no time, both kids were asleep in their beds! I said, "thanks for helping-see how quick that was?! When a person does it alone, it seems to take so much longer." I laid on him on the bed and we kissed and I grinded on him some. He said, "I would like a blow job" then cracked a big smile. I said I can't believe you! Yes, I could probably do that, but" (I do it more than I don't.) I said, "you know what I was thinking about, I was gonna ask for my kind of sex." He asked what kind that is and I said, "romantic, more talking. I felt embarrassed to say it out loud, but I was thinking that what makes me hot in these moments is when you shower me with compliments." He immediately jumped into it and said, "I have a beautiful wife. You are a great mother to our kids." I laughed and said, "well, it's not the same now, but I am just telling you so you can know these things for the future. I'm trying to pay attention to what is helpful for us." He successfully changed the subject by suggesting I close the door before our 4 yo walked in on and saw something she shouldn't. I said ok and got up to lock the door. Then I said, "I want us to use our Liberator pillows and watch the dvd and choose a position. We have those things RIGHT THERE and NEVER use them. They are a slipper slide for the kids!" He laughed and said ok. I said "Why don't we ever use them?" He said I don't know. I also went and got the Astroglide out of the shower and jokingly said "Do I need to put a second bottle of lube in your stocking?" He said maybe.
So, we did everything we talked about and had a great time. He complimented me a time or two again, which I know was intentional. He said "You have a beautiful body" and "I'm lucky to have you." These things will pop in my head out of nowhere over the next few days and help me continue to feel our connection. I guess i am recognizing that I'm a little validation starved and so I'm trying to come out and ask for what I need. It has seemed like nagging or complaining in the past, but seemed to go over allright tonight.
Maybe TMI, but he came quickly and yet we continued. He got out the toy (For once, he did not say, "would you like me to get out the toy?" which makes me cringe, because I feel stupid saying, OH YES!" don't know why, I know that's a hang up.) Anyhow, I also helped and even talked about what I don't like about that particular toy. (It's unnaturally cold and hard.) He said ok, maybe we can shop for a different one that would be more comfortable. I came and was verbal which he loves. I was feeling verbal naturally, and I wouldn't normally do this, but with all that we have going on with us, I really let myself "express myself" maybe laying it on just a little bit thick. We didn't say much afterwards. We usually just immediately go our separate ways to clean up then meet back in bed. He kept his hand on me while we watched our favorite comedian that I had recorded (Brian Regan). Is that unusual to not cuddle? I guess that's kind of a mechanical way to end it, but it felt good to us. We both conked out and now I'm up at the computer because our son cried for a bit and I went in to him.
Phew...so there, I gave you guys a play-by-play of a positive evening. I welcome your comments, if you have them.
PS He still has not read any of the book I got him, but I have been slowly tackling SSM. It just basically affirms/reminds me that this is a very important area of our life together and if I ignore it, I am asking for trouble and it is so much better for the OVERALL health of the relationship if I just make it a priority. I think the decrease in fighting lately has been a HUGE factor for me.
