Reaching desperation point

[Dom R]

One more thing I should update - the porn thing finally stopped being an issue

it's interesting that you did NOT say, "he stopped using porn".

You imply it later, though. so, moving on...

Getting rid of the porn, BTW, did nothing to improve the sexual relationship.

well, no.. just getting rid of it, does nothing by itself.
you have to get rid of it, AND you have to improve things between you also.

Hmm. there are multiple ways to deal with his reluctance about sex.
One is, "lots of counselling".

The other is, "just do it"

One of the biggest barriers to that, is your self-imposed judgement about "pity sex".

If you could let go of that attitude... and instead focus on what you can have him do, to make you feel happy.. and then also, how you can make that more comfortable for him... then with some people, time, and repetition of a positive, nurturing sexual experience, can mend it.

To do that, though, you would need to get him to agree to "schedule sex" (or at minimum, sexual intimacy), at least once a week.