Put down the boundaries. You have the right to choose what enters your life and the lives of your kids. You have the right to choose that abusive insanity is nowhere near it. Showing the pics of his prospective girls to the kids? And then getting back with Rat and the kids know? Unbelievable.
Just keep it out of your life. I'm glad you were able to get some sort of closure with the Rat, but you know what she told you, already. We knew your H wasn't magically some Prince with her. She has expressed that before.
You are not that woman's therapist, confidante or friend. She can go poke her eyes out if she feels that badly about what she did. She also has the power to leave.
Take care of you, keep those boundaries in tact, read them again and again, practice them and stand up to him. He will bully you, tear you down, curse.
Just remember, your life is worth more than letting it intersect with his.
They stay with these OW because they will put up with it - we will not....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Funny, XH told nme the exact same thing. OW will accept less than 100 percent from him and I wouldn't. Straight from the horses, or shall I say, donkey's, mouth.
Always,
You were on the button. I may seem passive in many of my posts as I avoid conflict with XH. However, I am a typical "taurus"..if you push me too far, I come right back with my horns aimed straight at you..It's almost comical he gets mad at me for emailing him and mentioning match.com when he put his profile on the web for MILLIONS of people to see.
He no longer has the power of my thoughts. I had a good day and focused on myself and getting rid of all the nonsense that took place yesterday. His addiction to drama is just as dangerous as any other addiction. You need to stay out of it or you will get sucked in. As for the RAt, I loved what you said. Let her poke her eyes out if she feels bad.
She is an ass and desrves everything she gets. She is bought by him and he knows it. Plain and simple and she even admitted it.
Kiki..Thanks for the visit. Interesting to read about OW stuff. Well, the Rat really isn't doing anything new as we went down this road sane time last year. She tried to make amends with me and I was cordial. THen, XH got in the middle and demanded the communication stopped. Fine with me but she is just his puppet on a string.
The best part of all of this stuff stirring up again is that I become more thankful for my divorce. I know that sounds harsh but my XH was/is mentally unstable. And it's his projection of all of his inner demons that hung over me like a perpetual grey cloud, always looming. I was so obsessed for making his life easier and better it was at the expense of my sanity. I swear, if I had stayed with him I wouldn't be stable, either, and I know that.
As for me, I am winding down with my first semester of being a professor. It was so exciting and I to say I am damn proud of myself for getting this far. This time last year I was in the middle of refinancing my house, studying for state certification exam for teaching and arranging to student teach in Jan of 07, It was nuts. I don't know how I did but I passed my exam and received a 3.97 GPA in grad school. It seems like a dream.
All of that gave me the ability to stand up to my XH, too. Each goal I acheived gave me back my self-respect and rid myself of the self-doubt that I had with my inner being. Xh doesn't like that. I can stand up to him and know that intellectually and morally, I can stand on my own two feet and challenge him any day of the week.
Okay, time to get my D to bed. She was caught in the crossfire of this crap and asked me so many questions today. She has had a few comment for her daddy like "why do I have such a mean daddy?" etc. It's so hard to defend XH and have him be the dad that I know my D needs, at least in her mind. I simply tell her that daddy has done a lot of good things. I remind her of some of them and tell her that he is not happy right now. So hard to explain all this when he is slinging sh## at me.
Being blamed for the break-up of XH and the Rat is the latest..
Evidently, the Rat read the email. There was a match.com reference..She didn't know.
Give me a break.
My XH told me I deliberately did that. Why the hell is she reading his email? I thought he read it because he has a blackberry now.
I have to censor what I write to him in case I get him "in trouble" with her? GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I wanted to do that, I would have told him I am sick of him flirting with me, how he asked me to go away with him for xmas and telling my D that he never should have left me.
Now he won't take the kids for the night cause he is pissed at me. I was so looking forward to my date with New Guy.
He is such an ass..
Myturnnow, he sounds like not just an ass, but a complete and thorough horse's ass! I think you ought to just kick him between the legs next time you see him and let him lay there and think about it for awhile.
Trying to the kids situated for the funeral tomorrow, outfits, shoes that fit, you know..They have had half days all week, too, which has been hard with working, etc. So, XH has them this weekend and I am trying to coordinate when I can get them tomorrow and he will not respond to me. Three different times I emailed and text messaged him.
The more I think about what an ass he is the more I want to let him have it. He takes this crisis situation and makes it about him and his stupid R with the Rat.
The triviality of all this is what is making me sick. And, I am worried about my parents as they will be at the buriel tomorrow with us. My dad has had a bypass and has been dealing with Rhuematoid Arthritis and my mom has lost so much weight due to stress. My brother has decided he is just not "up to taking his family to the buriel" so he isn't going, which gets me upset. My cousins only have us going to the buriel and they lost both of their parents in two years. I know it is my brother's way of coping but the selfishness that has gone on this week is really getting to me.
Here I am..single mom..dealing with all my crap..not complaining and the people in my life with the most money and the less stressful lifestyle "can't deal?" whatever..
Well, the good news is that I have a xmas party tomorrow night. Funeral in the late morning..I drop my kids off with XH and then come home to get ready for party. I just bought myself the most unlikely top to go to the party. I usually do the all in black thing..silk shirt..tuxedo pants..spikey boots..but this year I bought a strapless gold top! OMG! It's so great.
I am blonde so I was worried I would look washed out but I just tried it on and it's great. So, that cheered me up. I bought some funky jewelry to match and going to get some cool gold hoops. Dressy jeans and brown suede spikey boots. Oh, this makes me happy talking about clothes...lol
So, that just cheered me up..
Okay..conference with D10's teacher today..Then get the kids ready to go to dip XH's house.
MTN - among the people wo annoy me are those with easy lives who 'cannot cope' Puhleese.
have you noticed that REAL people always cope?
I could write histories about my bro while my mom was dying, but we are now reconciled, and really I like it better that way . . so I won't go there, tempting as it is.
Thing is, we have to live with ourselves, and our actions, and priggish as it sounds, that is the truth. It is one of the problems of the unstable MLCer that ultimately they have to to face what they have done, or stay in the tunnel
Have a great time at the party - you will look great
