Yo, mcol. I'm not in the military, as you know, so perhaps I don't have the "benefit" of experience behind me when I write. But I think we need to gain a little focus here.
As tough as this deployment has been on your W and your children, and as tough as it is on you, and on *every* military family who has had to face it, it gives absolutely *no* justification for a W to walk away from you ... and *certainly* not to have an A. Also, I will add: If *you* and your career were the problem, why is it just *now* that she's wanting to leave? Is it irony that she's met OM? No, indeed. The deployment was a catalyst to get her into Internet chat rooms. But the *real* problems in your M, I'd be willing to bet, didn't begin until she had commenced this relationship. True?
To that end, we cannot blame solely the military, or use it as a crutch or an excuse or even really a reason that your M is falling apart. *Many* Ms, as you've already explained, make it through deployment with no apparent problems.
A couple questions you may want to address for those of us on the boards (I'm a returning member here ... got back together with my H two years ago, and things have been beautiful since...): I don't think I've seen it addressed how long you and your W have been married. And if you were in the military *before* or *after* she met you. Can you elaborate on that a tad?
And now that *you* have taken responsibility for your role in this sitch, what responsibility belongs to *her*? And, now that you've read DR and can apply some of the principles, what are some of the specific steps you're taking to save your M? How has each "step" panned out so far?
Thinking of you ... and *really* wish you weren't here ...
