Divorced, but still hoping for a miracle

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My honest advice is that if your WAW is anything like mine, she probably has been planning this for years. The best advice I can give is leave her alone and don't take her up on any type of argument. Friend of mine said "submit to everything - no matter what".

I'm picking my fights. No submitting on child custody/care and property - I want my rights - and my lawyer will handle it.
But silly arguments will not get ANY reaction from me.

My ex has turned into another person. She has completely changed her circle of friends down to a few "enablers" and the OM.

Ditto. Her friends now are riff-raff all the solid folks are seem to be standing on my side (against breakup). Except that she claims to have given up OM. Strange that there always seems to be an OM though they've supposedly "planned" this for years they have not enough spunk to do it alone.

I don't know if OM is giving her money, because she works part-time and does not seem to have any financial issues ...

In my case too she works part time and I'm paying spousal and child support which I think is unfair given she can also work full time. But I'm biding my time on this.

Read through the Mid Life Crisis (MLC) stuff, especially the post on MLC for Dummies. One of the things the WAW does quite well is turning the spouse into a monster. They are very good at convincing themselves that what they are doing is right. The MLC behavior read like a movie script for my ex.

Sounds much the same. Age 38 could be MLC was the biological clock is ticking. I'll read up on this.

I'm sure there are a lot of people that have worked things out. I was just like you - I'm an engineer and like statistics, so was also looking for odds of things working out, etc. Things just have to run their course.

Ditto in my case. Engineers tend to be low-key, factual, unemotional but generally solid folks so the storminess of the WAW is overwhelming for me.

Probably heard it before, but you will always be connected through your kids. Be a great dad. I wasn't really there much for my girls before the divorce. Now, they think I'm the greatest. This is really important, because the WAW probably won't have much interest in anything but doing what makes them feel good - hence the OM. Kids are very powerful in bringing relationships back together.

Great! I've been with my kids daily from the minute they were born so the bond is still strong. But D11 was "brainwashed" a bit by W (treated her as an adult/equal) and so its going to take a while for her to understand what's been going on but she knows I'm there for her.

Last and most important - if you aren't already, get involved in a good church. God can work miracles.

I've always stayed faithful in this regard tho' I need to get more personally involved ... maybe feed the homeless or something like that.

Take care and God Bless.

Thanks. And I wish you the same.