WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[mako]

And then six months later she went and had a physical affair. How does that make sense?

This is just a guess as I don't know the ins and outs of your R with your W.

It's not that W didn't want sex, but that she didn't want sex with you. That is hard to hear, but I was in the same boat (although I have no knowledge of an A as of yet).

Men usually see sex as a physical thing...we need it, and will have sex with our W's even if we don't feel very close to them, just cause the physical need is so great.

Women on the other hand usually see sex as a more intimate thing, the culmination of being fulfilled in every way by their H. If they don't feel fulfilled, then they have no desire for sex.

I'm no sexpert, and these are gross generalizations, but I've done a lot of reading since the bomb and these things seem to often hold true. In my case we rarely had sex. My W didn't feel connected to me, so she didn't want to do it, and when we did I could tell she wasn't interested so I felt almost guilty about it. This made me feel withdrawn from her since she didn't want these things that I wanted, and I in turn didn't provide much affection and things that she needed. Since I was withdrawn in that way, she felt even less desire, so it was a vicious cycle. Now that I see this I think I could change things by unconditionally providing what she needs, causing her to feel more connection to me and in turn her desire would come back, but unfortunately I don't really have the opportunity right now.

I just add this on to the ever growing list of things I wish I knew 6 months or a year ago.

Based on this, I'd guess that your W also felt something missing in your M, she didn't feel fulfilled or some deep emotional connection, or whatever, so she didn't want sex. Then some OM came along, he was affectionate and said nice things or whatever it is your W needs to feel loved, so she found that burning desire with him.

Again, I don't know enough to say if this was the case in your sitch, but it could explain the W having no desire with you then all of a sudden having great desire with someone else.