Love you all))))))))))))))) thanks for your support everyone, I feel safe crumbling here \:\) I know you are there to catch me.

Had an eureka moment, just realized my H had tried for years to be there for me, to love him as a man, has been a good husband imperfections and all.. and most times I rejected him. No wonder he doesn't trust me, I can fully understand now, how my one year (full of ups and downs) of change still doesnt' give him reasons to trust me.
I'll leave him off the hook of "trust me NOW or we can't make it", he has hanged there for so so freaking long, waiting for me to treat him right and now.. I think about hanging the towel now that he is broken, I am not being fair at all.
My being feisty was mostly the reason we went wrong, I feel so so ashamed of myself I could cry, he wonders where he went wrong, I steared us that way, out of ignorance but still, I made the most damage. I know he had his part too, and his untreated ADHD made it so hard to live with him, but that also was at the moment out of his control, he didn't even know what was wrong with him.

I'm not quiting without a fight, scratch August, I'll be here for him 'til I can't anymore, until God wills it.

Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.