I understand where you are coming from, I was on that side of the fence once too. Don't feel like you have to appologize for anything that you say to me, I know what I got myself into and I know what I need to do to get out of it. I know now that there is no way I should have any contact with OM period. He is cut completly out of my life now, besides if I would want him back I don't think that he would take me back.
I really don't know what happened. I wish I could say that 'this' happened to make me change. There were times early on in the A that I was really struggleing with the morality of the sitch, honestly I was. I thought how can I be doing this I am married, did I have guilt after the first really intimate night, OH YES I DID and it was a while until we had another similar encounter. But then that guilt started to go away and I started feeling that giult when my H and I would, I know strange, that I was still having sex wiht my H and the OM, yes I was carful, before I get 'yelled' at for that. So at that point I realized that there was a problem, but that happened a couple of months ago. Funny thing was I was lying to OM about when H and I would go out or things that we were doing, so in a sense my H was starting to become the OM to the OM, hope I did not confuse any one. When that started to happen I knew I had to do something. I could not be making up reasons to go out with the OM and then make up reason to go out with my H. I was not beening far to either my H or the OM or heck even myself at the time. I hope that will give some insight on how the emotions can change.
As for being 'just friends' with the OM I know that it won't happen any time soon, like I am talking years from now. Yes he should have known what he was getting into when he started going out with a married woman. In fact several of his friends gave him the same warning, be carful what you do here. That is the one thing that I told H why was he so worried about the OW when he ended his A with her. But I am just concerned that he will just do something stupid. There are several things that he could go and do, which I honestly will not mention here but could be bad, and they have NOTHING to do about me.
You know what with what I just wrote I think I know when things started to change with me and the OM. He had a party a little bit before Halloween, and drinking was involved, obviously. the night before H and I had a fight and H got a bit ticked off at me because I was not in the mood, and slammed the bedroom door shut and broke part of the trim on the door frame. Well OM found out about it and went off the deep end and called the calvery in (won't elaborate further) but I was there until 4am trying to finally get him calmed down and to make sure that the calvery was called off. At that moment I thought there is no way in hell that I would be with a man that would do that, even for me. I flat out told him that if this would ever happen again that we would be done, no questions asked.
