Another newbie with a problem - long story

[Stormchaser]

I told her its not about "getting any". Its about a sexual release, an opportunity to become one with her. I said some things that I really think, after all this time together, she never knew. That I actually NEED sex, almost as much as I need food and water. I WANT to feel that closeness because it makes those bumps in the marriage more manageable.

She then said whats in it for her? Sure, its easy in theory to say that she'll spend 10 minutes 2x a week with me, but what if she's not up for it? Where is her payoff? She'll just feel like she's being used for sex and then be more frustrated.

This was a good question, and I hope I gave the right response. I told her the payoff would be incredible. That she would have a husband that is completely satisfied and not pent up and frustrated. A husband who calls and texts and emails because he WANTS to, without any ulterior motive (that was one of her concerns, that I do things just to get sex, not out of genuine love). Each time doesn't have to be a full blown, rock your socks off session with lots of oral sex and different positions - no pressure at all, just some good old fashioned loving. A healthy sexual connection. Leave the kinky wild sex for the weekends. And for tonight, I want to be together sexually.

And that was it. I didn't say anything else. She nodded then started to cry. Whoa, this caught me completely off guard - she told me that originally she thought I was really jealous of her working her way up through her company and thought I was resentful because I'm kinda stagnant where I am. Its not that I'm completely stagnant; I'm unwilling to relocate halfway across the country for a promotion. But she has flown through the ranks in the last 3 years and deep down thought I held some deep feelings of bitterness towards her rapid advancement.

There is nothing like this and I reassured her - that the opposite is true, that I'm extremely proud of her for finally getting a job that she has wanted her entire youth and now has it and likes it - not many people can say that, a lot of us are stuck in jobs we hate but have to do anyway.

Soon after, we wound up going home. Talked to the kids and put them to bed, did some mom and dad chit chat ourselves and headed upstairs and got ready ourselves. And yes, had a great sex session that went well past 10 minutes.

So, lets hope this is the start of something good.