So I watched the Wedding Singer... good movie for someone going through this crap.
When he sang the song "Somebody Kill Me Please", I could not stop laughing! Just goes to show that everyone feels the same kind of intense pain and despair when going through this stuff.
Im going to really try and not think about W this weekend. Im sure I will every now and then. It sucks at work because W used to work here and sometimes I have to walk by her old office.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Ugh... another wave of anxiety... when will this stop?!?!?
I keep getting visions of W and OM. THis is horrible. I wish I could just let go. When I get like this, I try to think about all the crappy things W has done.
Im still thinking that maybe she just doesnt have what it takes to make a R work. It always seemed that every time we hit a bump in the road, she was ready to bail.
My friends always told me I could so much better and deserved better but I've always been the pursuer. SHe would do something horrible (like not come at night), I would get mad and tell her she is disrespectful, she would either pack her bags or give me the silent treatment for a week, then I would apologize and pursue.
I know I need to get my self esteem up and stand up for myself. Its just hard to do.
Im remaining dark except when we exhange D, I just feel like she is slipping through my fingers.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Ugh... another wave of anxiety... when will this stop?!?!?
I keep getting visions of W and OM. THis is horrible. I wish I could just let go.
Hey Hurtin,
It takes a while. I still get that way. But you need to remind yourself what you want. Do you want your M to work out? If you do for your own good you need to try to keep the OM out of your head. I want so bad to talk to my W OM. I know where he lives. I know where he works. I have his numbers. but why? that will not bring my W back. It takes time and constant work to do this. If you can't get over the OM then even if you do get back together it will not be for long. your heart will not be in it. Hey I am not saying I have gotten over the OM either. But I do think of him less and my W more.
Take care buddy
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey Husband... thanks for your reply, much appreciated.
Im kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place... D has been really troubled with how my W moved OM into her house very quickly. I need to protect my D from her moms lack of intellect.
Im meeting a lawyer on Wednesday this week to find out about custody (D wants to live with me).
HOw can I DB while trying to take D from my W?
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Sorry I forgot om moved in with your W. I know how you feel about your D. My son being hurt in a big reason I have not given up yet. Tomorrow is a big step for me with the meet. I know you have heard this before but time is all we have. We need to try to make the best of it. My sitch is differant because W and I are not fighting. We are living in the same house. but sleep in differant rooms. So if I do anything to try to change things it will be me hurting my son's security. I so wish we could fast forward and get through this part. Son asked me to night if we could camp out agian Saturday night. I had to tell him I had plans. (the meet in sonoma) I feel bad not being there for him but I guess I need to learn to do some things for me. Wish I could give you advise. Hope this work out to what is best for your D. The Courts should take her feelings into concideration right?
Besst of luck big guy Husband
Last edited by husband; 12/08/0706:04 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Im going to have a good day for a change. I have my D and its snowing outside... maybe we'll go to Starbucks and get some hot cocoa!!!
Also, we might go see the "Bee Movie".. that should be fun. Then tonight we have church which really makes me feel good.
I go back and forth with how I feel about my W. One minute I must have her back and the next minute I start thinking that the reason Im so hurt is because I miss the fantasy W I have created in her.
The truth is W is a party girl. I prefer family events and doing fun constructive things (planetarium, movies, museums, zoo) while W prefers to have people over for excessive drinking and loud music and dancing.
Part of me doesnt even want her back. Lord knows, I'll feel different in about 5 minutes.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Church was awesome once again, our church is very conventional, uplifting messages and an awesome band that rocks the house.
Go figure, for those of you that are believers, the pastor talked about the story of Hoseah and Gomer.
Hoseah (husband)was married to Gomer(wife) and she cheated on him time and time again. They separated but he forgave her time and time again. The premise was that forgiveness sets you free.
I felt like God was talking to me.. coolest experience.
My D held my hand almost throughout the entire service. I looked down at her and saw her clapping and singing along with the choir... Im so proud of her. I know that this is really hard for her as well (probably harder on her more than it is for me).
But I know that with faith comes brighter days. Keep the faith, and remember things will happen in HIS time, not yours.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Hurtin, Regarding the anxiety, Husband is right, it does get better ... but it takes time. Time is the only thing that helps (besides medication, I guess).
There were some days that I could hardly put one foot in front of the other, let alone go to work or just keep up with the every day stuff of life. But keeping up with the every day stuff does help. Continue to do what you're doing, GAL. Be with your D, go to church, etc. I bet there are times when you don't want to do any of that, but you know afterwards, you feel better. And you're not only doing it for yourself, you're doing for your D.
We had some snow here a couple days ago. My D were out today and passed a house where some kids had built a snowman. I started thinking about how much I miss those days with her. (As a young teen, her social life is taking over her schedule.) So here's a good GAL idea, go out tomorrow and build a snowman with your D. She'll love that. Make sure you make some snow angels, too!
