I am so sorry for you. You are a good father and Husband.. echoing what everyone has said. She is the one who has the problem, not you. You are trying to hold on to your family and she is being selfish and uncaring.
This is her guilt talking, let it roll off your back.
what comes around goes around..
((hugs))
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Scott..stopping by to wish you well. I hope that this post finds you hanging in and being strong for your girls. I am joining you in the D area..but..sadly now, as the WAS. I sent in my filing papers.
Stay strong Scott. You'll be loved again. I know it. Learn from this. Make a list on a piece of paper. WRITE IT!! ..of all the things that are important to you, the changes you made and your N.U.T.S....and keep itin your night table as a constant reminder. Never forget. Grow. Live.
For now, stay out of her intensity. Don't take anything she says personally. Keep clean. I think of you often.
Frank
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Yoyo, Thank you for the kind words. From what I have learned about you on these boards over these many months it means a lot. Your comment about me coming out on top is something that I have thought about. I know that in the end I will be fine and I will continue to do whatever I can to pour into my precious girls as much as I possibly can. If that is me winning then great....But that would have happened without this sitch. In all honest I really don't think anybody wins in D. It is a selfish, senseless act that hurts way to many of those that we love....what am I trying to say..... I guess nobody really wins or loses. But it seems that way since there is one that stands with morals, integrity and grows from the experience. All the while the other is only looking to run, maybe even fooling themselves into thinking that they are growing as a person. For me I just pray that my girls don't get hurt.
NCB, Thanks for your support and encouragement. To be honest it has been hard for me over the last few months to keep my focus on God. I know in my heart that he is faithful and will never give me more then I can handle. But, I have found myself to be a little angry...perhaps sour towards him. There is so much hurt and pain out there that I sit and wonder why. Not that this is the first time that I have had these thoughts/questions.... But like I said that is where I am at. Thanks for the reminder.
LWB, I would agree that she is still a bit angry. I really don't know if she is going to crash from this or not. She is heading for the hills as fast as she can and doing everything in her mind to justify all of this. I agree that she might crash someday... But I think that it will be to late by then. Since I have known my W she has always jumped around doing various things trying to make herself happy or find her calling. Well, she was never happy she always either quit or tried changing something. I guess maybe she will never truly be happy and content. She will be for a period of time and then she gets restless. The question now is when will she become restless? That I am afraid is when she will realize that our D was senseless....it might be to late at that point.
TAL, I here what your saying about what goes around comes around....Most people that know my W think that God in whatever way will have his way with her to get her to wake up. I always cringe when I hear that because of my DD's. How do they get affected. This D is already more then they should be handling at their age's...let alone something else.
B_I43, Thanks for the hug....there are many days that a simple hug would go along way.
FIB, I have been following along your threads and am aware of the current state of things in your world. I am sorry that it has come down to what it has. I know that it was not an easy decision for you. You have been through a lot. You are good man...You have seen the pain in your kids eyes and endured a lifetime of pain yourself. I will not say that you should have done this or that....I know that you did not take the decision lightly.... FIB, keep being the ROCK for your kids and help lead them through this time. No matter what you will always be Dad and your W Mom. Don't make them choose between the two of you. Keep being the man that you are and hold onto your NUTS. Your kids will love you and respect you for it. FIB, as they grow they will learn how truly awesome of a Dad that they have and will love you more and more...
Journaling: I had my DD's on TG and the weekend. It was a good time. We went to my parents house and then later to my cousins. My girls had a great day and that is all that matters. I also signed my girls up for gymnastics. They start next Thursday and go once a week. I don't know if they will like it, but, I have feeling that they will. It is going to cost me a small fortune if they take to it, but they are worth it.
Sunday, my W called my while she was at work to talk D. It was a pleasant convo and then at the end she tells me that she forgives me for not noticing her the way that she needed to be noticed all these years and that she is done. I just said thanks and hung up the phone. Fast forward one day, she asks me when am I going to forgive and release her.. I told what else does she want from me. I would have gone to my grave trying to give you what you needed. I gave up my dream to start a family with you. What else do you want?... Not much was said after that. The crazy thing is that I still love her. I have a hard time looking her in the eye now because I don't want to love her anymore. It is clear that this D is going through...I just want to be able to move on.... I know that will take time, but, looking at her hurts. I still find her beautiful and just want us to connect again.
I have more to write which I will do later tonight. Got to go...
NCB, Thanks for your support and encouragement. To be honest it has been hard for me over the last few months to keep my focus on God. I know in my heart that he is faithful and will never give me more then I can handle. But, I have found myself to be a little angry...perhaps sour towards him. There is so much hurt and pain out there that I sit and wonder why. Not that this is the first time that I have had these thoughts/questions.... But like I said that is where I am at. Thanks for the reminder.
Scott, given what we're all going through, I truly understand looking up into the sky and screaming, "WHY?!!!"
In my own case I have realized that the causes for my own misery lie with my own crisis of faith. Because of severe depression, I committed the sin of despair, and it nearly cost me everything, including my very soul. Since I awoke from my blind drive nearly off a cliff to find my marriage wrecked and my wife seeking the love of the OM, I have been facing my spiritual failings.
To cut to the chase, my depression arose out of my dissatisfaction with my life, and I now realize it was not that God had failed me, but I had failed God.
I can't blame Him for the evils and the ills that plague us. No, all these are not caused by God but by Mankind. We bring this about ourselves. We choose to sin and we choose the miserable consequences that come of it. He gave us free will and the power to choose Him or not to. Unfortunately, we tend to choose poorly.
So all this misery we see around us is not caused by God, but by us, His sinful children. He gave us His Son so that we might have a chance at Salvation, and still we turn away from that Grace. So, now, instead of looking heavenward and screaming, I know to look across to my brothers and sisters instead to scream, "WHY?!!!"
Our spouses, however, just take the cake in this (mixing metaphors here!) -- by sinning against God and the very person whom they swore not to (us). That's double the offense to God, BTW.
Sending some (((hugs)) your way.. Im so sorry that she is doing this and saying such horrible things.
Of course you still love her, that won't go away overnite. Don't be so hard on yourself. All its going to take is a lot of time, the pain will probably never fully go away, but you will go on with or without her. Stay strong for your daughters, they will need you right now.
She doesn't deserve you.
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I am about to head to our settlement meeting. I have a feeling after today the next step is to have a judge officially dissolve our M. I should learn today what CS is going to be and how often I get to see my girls.....
For those of you who believe please keep me and my girls in your prayers this morning....
There is nothing else to negotiate.... My M will not official be over until the 1st week of the new year. As of now everything is aggreed upon and for all intents and purposes I am D'd. The settlement meeting took about 3hrs and for the most part was cordial. I now know what CS is going to be and when I get to see my girls.
It kills me that I nolonger get to see my girls on a daily basis. XW feels that this D is justified and will make everything better for her. Well what about our girls? This doesn't make life any better for them. Was our M that bad that we couldn't even attempt to reconcile? I don't think so and will probably go to my grave feeling that this D was senseless.
I know that I have a lot of life still ahead of me and better times are coming....But that doesn't make this hurt anyless. I lost my partner, my best friend.... Now I get to go at this alone for a while. Who knows what life has instore for me... I just need to move past this time.
I will always have fond memories of my W. The three most significant moments in my life all revolved around her and our family. I don't know if I will ever be able to top witnessing the birth of my two girls. There is something awe strucking about being there for that. I used to think of our wedding day and remember how great it was and the life that we started at that moment. Hopefully I can replace that memory in the future with someone that will appreciate me like I will them.
I knew this was coming...I have been preparing for it in someway now for a year. I just never saw myself not being married to my XW.
I wish there wasn't an industry that fed off D and almost encourage's it. The holiday are here and a new year is upon us. I guess that means that it is time to turn over a new leaf. One that it is just me and my girls.
I tried but I could not save my M. I cry and pray for my girls and their well being. I pray that they grow up with the security of knowing that I will always be their for them and love them. I pray that God will protect them and keep them safe. I pray that my XW does not expose them to anything that will hurt them in anyway. I pray that my XW can rid herself of bitterness and hostility towards me and maybe one day realize how senseless this D really was. I pray that the pain of all this will one day go away. I still pray for a miracle. I just don't see that happening.
I pray for better outcomes for all of you on this site.
My heart is aching for you. You were in my prayers this morning and I will continue to keep you there. You put up a valiant fight. Even though you didn't manage to save your marriage, you are still a hero. You believed in your marriage and fought for it. You are a wonderful father to your girls and will continue to be. They know that now and will always know that. Better days are yet to come Scott. It may be a while, but they will come. Keep the faith and stay strong.
Just remember... If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it.
((((((HUGS))))))
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
