How things can change when you file ! But a bit of background first, my 20 year+ WAW had a long distance A, which fizzled out a few months ago. She has dropped the bomb annually for the last 3 years, and since the first one, we have not had physical contact, with all that implies, and not much even verbal affection over the last year.
After 3 years of this treatment, I said that she had a choice: us working with a counselor to fix things or I file. She said that a counselsor could not help, and so I filed. Here in Sweden, D is a no fault, easy administrative business costing 75$ if all goes well.
All didn’t go well. Since I filed by myself, she was served notice, first by mail (via a ‘please acknowledge that you have received this letter’ enclosure), which she ignored, another letter, also ignored, then by a policeman, who physically handed her a third copy one tumultuous Friday afternoon (with the kids wondering what was going on and me feeling like hell, but sticking to my guns). The consequence of her finally forcibly being served notice is that we now have between 6 and 12 months to decide whether to finalize things.
But how things have changed since! Her previous, often aggressive stance to me is now more acquiescent, accepting, mild even. This is certainly more pleasant than the daily previous stress of before… but is it real? She said a year ago that she wants a strong man and that I cannot be one. Still, life is easier.
So I turned 50 3 days ago and she gave me an expensive, antique replica kayak – for two people – but there was no card with any tenderness, no embrace, no physical acknowledgement with that. Even this morning, when I left for a one week business trip to California, no embrace, just a short rubbing of my back after straightening my collar when I was walking out the door.
So two good things – a more pleasant wife, and a fancy birthday present – but no affection, physical or verbal…. what does it mean?
The big question is now, with Christmas coming up, shall I give her a ruby pendant (a few hundred dollars at Amazon, certainly less than the kayak)? I still have feelings somewhere for her… would expressing them this way help or hurt? She wants a tough, strong guy, someone that ‘fights back’ (she is a dominant, combative person).
How should I play this situation? What sort of gifts are appropriate for her Christmas? She is getting a copy of her favorite DVD, a book or two (even though she told our daughter ‘no more books’ a while ago). She is a ‘wild beauty’ (a recent visitor called her this), proud, tough, hard-working, with high standards.
What do you think? Is it real or sham? What does it mean?
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
