So H phones my best friend (sounds like he's been feeling the tension from friends and was calling her to feel it out). She ripped him a new one for 45 minutes on the phone. First and foremost about the crap he pulled with the bank account but then she layed into him about everything else that he said he was going to do and isn't. She called him on how horrible his actions are and she thinks he's an A$$*&%E and so does everyone else. She then gave him the impression that I was seeking legal action. BOY DID HE BACK PEDAL!!! He started to say it wasn't his intention to do that with the bank account and that he can now see why it was taken that way and that he'd change it back right away.
Long story short he then phoned me to apologize for it and told me he was on his way to the office to change it. Well...that opened the can of worms I needed to be opened. I told you all it was coming and that I was just building my strength to do it...well today it came out. I let it out. ALL OF IT! He thought that little apology was going to be enough to slide on by but I let loose. I told him what a cold heartless b$%^&#$d he's been and that I am ashamed he is the father of my kids. I said I don't have any clue who he is or who I'm dealing with. That he needs to step back and look at MY SIDE of this to see how is actions are impacting me AND HIS CHILDREN! I told him I have let our marriage go and I am not focused on that any more (hee hee hee...little does he know...) I think he was relieved to hear that. I called him on how angry and cruel he has been to me over the last 6 weeks and at first he denied it. Then he said the reason he was doing it was because when he wasn't doing it I was getting the impression there was false hope for us and he didn't want to do that anymore. He told this to my BF as well and she told him that I'm not worried about false hope anymore and that he needs to communicate with me properly from now on for the sake of our kids.
I called him on bringing up selling the house when our S was 19 days old and he said "but I've dropped that"...he said "I thought about it after and I realized it was too soon". I said, "do you think you could have let me know that??, I know you haven't mentioned it since but the last discussion you left VERY angry at me because I wouldn't consider it. What should lead me to believe anything different especially with how you've been treating me??".
I won't go into all the sordid details...but I reamed him. Everything that has been pent up inside of me for the last 3 months came pouring out at the top of my lungs. And boy did it feel good. At first he was defensive but then he just listened and took it. Without much response. I told him that I know he wants to move on with his happy and perfect future and he's going to steamroll me in the process. I said I'm tired of being bullied by him and I am not putting up with it any more. I think he got it.
Then...get this...he switches quickly to...what are the plans for the weekend? He wants to get us a X-mas tree and come to put the lights up on the house. Talk about a 180...last week he couldn't even take my garbage out and now he's trying to be good guy again. Now I don't know if I should let him do these things.
Anyway...I spoke to the lawyer and she said since he's reversing what he did with the account and he's holding on the selling the house that there isn't really much I should do right now.
I need to sit with him and get some agreements in place regarding the finances, the kids and the fact that I under no circumstances want my D in the company of that OW...I'll refrain from using the obscenities that I want to about her.
SO! Where does this leave me in the whole DB'ing process??? I'm letting go of the rope. I'm letting my marriage go. Somewhere inside I believe that there could be a chance but I need to proceed for myself and my kids...without him. It hurts...but I'm there. My sister made a good point and that is that if there is a chance for us at all...this marriage has to end anyway because we would have to start over. So I need to let this go and put closure on it so that if there is a chance we can rebuild with a clean slate. But only time...a lot of time will tell that.
I suppose now the real DB'ing starts. Now that he thinks I've let the marriage go, I'll show him the strong, independant, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN THAT I AM! Can you tell I'm pumped?? J~
