Sorry bout that, between the "talk" and getting jammed at work, I didn't have much time to respond, so here goes:
So we go to out to have a small dinner. She begins by talking about her entire day, but its not a natural conversation. She's doing a lot of "....uh...." and ".....um....; all the time I'm just listening. I was getting the vibe that she'd rather talk about other things because I really wasn't engaging her in the typical "how-was-your-day" talk.
Then there's this awkward 2 minute silence. I break the ice by saying, "you called me today and wanted to talk about us. Ok, we're here now, lets talk about it."
She said (I'm going to paraphrase here): She's happy with the status quo right now. That she loves me, there's no other guy, there's no other woman, nothing like that. Her life is idyllic, two wonderful kids, house, we both have good jobs. That this last argument did shake her foundations a bit because she didn't like the unusually cold distance I was showing afterwards.
Usually, our typical fights about anything blow over later, some dumb words are said, apologies are made, and we move on.
She continued: This time, the arguments are focusing on the physical relationship and they're becoming harder and harder to move on from.
At this point, I'm thankful because she definitely sees the pattern, which is making me feel a little better.
She went on to say that she really has no idea why she isn't into it anymore. And she admitted that when we ARE in a groove, its great, but there's always something to sidetrack and distract and then we have that gap again. She thought aloud about the job, because its mostly night shift, she hates that she's at work when she could be home doing the stuff I do, i.e. homework, cleaning, dinner, etc. That having two days a week off, but they're not consecutive, is really draining on her, especially when she's off a day and she still gets phone calls related to work. That being a supervisor isn't all its cracked up to be; dealing with a staff that can't follow directions to dealing with promising teens that once are hired, are the laziest bunch of people you can imagine.
But she loves her job. She just wishes it was more typical, 9-5 deal with the weekends off. She wants to hold on until spring, when that finally is available to her, so she really doesn't want to give it up now after all these years.
I start to sympathize, but then she says something that really pissed me off. She says, that the job isn't the only thing. That there were things in the past about me that have really turned her off. That I got into a groove of not opening the doors for her, being a homebody, not wanting to do anything with her sisters family, having an anxiety disorder that prevented me from going anywhere - these things have really made her feel as if she's settled for less, that this is all there is in the relationship and she's having to accept it as it is.
Instead of flying off the handle, I told her I needed a minute or two to think. Before reading "No More Mr Nice Guy", I think I would've started to cry, or beg for her to give me another chance, sworn to become a better man, blah, blah. But instead of going that route, I gave myself enough time to think about what to say without becoming angry.
Continued in the next post.
Me: 52 Her: 48 2D 26 & 16 M: 25 years (together 30) EA/discovered by accident Valentines day 2016 Admitted SOME physical but no IC. We know that's a lie. Status - tryin to R
