Taking it day by day...

[Hurtin4certain]

So Im feeling a little better this afternoon. Still think about my W but not as often.

Im going out for beers with some friends after work. They all know what Im going through so their support has been really nice.

Im on AD's so I think Ill only have a beer and some chicken wings. Oh well, the company will be nice.

[Larrynarry]

Do me a favor... try not to talk about the sitch.. just enjoy being around your friends.. maybe check out the "scenery".

Have fun!!

[Hurtin4certain]

Good advice Jar... thanks

[RedHeadWife]

AH HA! The word I was trying to think of was *OBSESSING*. You are not just dwelling, you are completely obsessing about your W and your sitch. I know, I know, hard NOT to do, but you need to TRY to start doing something else. That's where the "act as if" stuff comes in. You need to start acting as if you could care less.

I have a feeling that you are obsessing so completely b/c you had your chance to get back together w/ wife and supposedly blew it. Look at it this way instead -- you don't know for sure that things would have worked out if you had taken the chance back then anyway. You need to get over that -- it's just like me having to get over allowing myself to have regrets and feel like "if only I'd done things differently then maybe" -- well, I didn't do things differently and now we're in a world of sh!t, so now I need to deal w/ what I have going on NOW, not what COULD HAVE BEEN.

[Hurtin4certain]

I think you are right Red... makes total sense.

Im working on that and trying not to beat myself up over it.
I know I need to GAL and do a better job of acting as if.

Im really going to focus on that going forward...maybe I'll put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it when I find myself obsessing.

Going to "act as if" after work at the bar with friends and chicken wings!

[Hurtin4certain]

So I had a good time at the bar with friends... totally took my mind off of my sitch. However, on the way home, I noticed several places that W and I used to go to... Blockbuster, the grocery store etc. When will I get over this stuff?

[Michael Mc C]

Man, read my story about Mallowmars, I know exactly what you mean. It takes time and really that's all that's going to do it. You will heal and as someone told me on this site, eventually the pain you feel by these triggers will be replaced by happy memories.

Of course I believe that either way they are happy memories. It's just that after time you can again allow yourself the luxury of feeling the joys from the past without focusing on the loss.

[Hurtin4certain]

So I was on drphil.com and read what he said about infidelity.

"The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour"

If thats true then my W is not someone I want to be with. I cant tell you how many times she would storm out of the house with her bags packed everytime we had an argument.

I dont think she has the capacity to solve relationship issues with an open mind. Ive seen her go through so many best friends and never speak to them again. Perhaps she just doesnt have the skills to work through issues?

She was raised in a broken home where her mother would go through men like it was going out of style. I wonder if thats just the way she is wired and destined to be like her mother?

[Hurtin4certain]

Snowing here in Colorado... I always loved snow days.

Still trying to detach and its slowly starting to work. I actually slept well last night. Didnt speak to D or W yesterday as I was out with friends after work.

Jar.. I took your advice and checked out the scenery... unfortunately there wasnt a whole lot of it.

My mom just called me and told me she had spoken to W about possibly getting a job at W's work. Everytime anyone mentions my W, my anxiety goes through the roof. Is this normal? Its like I cant even hear her name or Ill get anxiety.

[Yoyowife]

Snowing here in Colorado... I always loved snow days.

My mom just called me and told me she had spoken to W about possibly getting a job at W's work. Everytime anyone mentions my W, my anxiety goes through the roof. Is this normal? Its like I cant even hear her name or Ill get anxiety.

I'm jealous. I love snow. I bet it is beautiful in Colorado.

I too felt the same way at first when H's name was mentioned. It does get easier. The AD's will kick in and help a lot. Usually takes about 4 weeks. It doesn't mean you will get over your anxiety all together, but it will get better. Time makes things better, but you will still have your days.