WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[COG]

Jab,

W apologized for blowing up, W says she needs some space, I gotta give her some breathing room, yada, yada, yada. W doesn't trust me, yada, yada, yada.

The devil is in the yada yada's my friend.

After conversation, W sounded a little better. I told her it wasn't my intention to control her, I am/will give her some breathing room, I'm not trying to accuse her. I'm trying to do the right thing.

Your actions aren't matching your words.

W said she's 90% sure that our R/M is unfixable, not 100%.

My W was 90% sure also, for about two years she was that way. It's funny how they pick 90% all the time.

W said she want someone to be 'into her', be happy to see her, want to be involved with her, etc....I said, everything you stated, I want to give you & can now give you.

Might as well give up arguing with her. Your words will never convince her. Better off agreeing with her on that point. Agree, and then shut up. Then she'll not have to prove you wrong.

Basically, tonight was a 'bust' but at least not a failure.

One of MANY times you will be tested. Will you defend your past? Will you indicate to her the she is not seeing clearly? Will you defend yourself? Will you defend yourself? Or will you trust that she is right, and acknowledge her pain.

Tell me again why I shouldn't ask W who this guy is I know she's been calling, went to his house but told me she was visiting her girfriend (which I had suspicions about but never confronted her about it).

It's a loose loose sitch. You'll come out looking bad either way. There's no way you can win. Some might disagree with me, but I think it would be perectly fine for you to ask her if there is an OM. Not a specific OM who's name is ???, and lives at ???, whom she works with and went to see on ???.

But just asking the question conveys meaning to her. Lets her know you are concerned, and that she might be crossing your boundary line. Don't do anything to control her, you just would like to know so that YOU can make decisions regarding YOUR life.

If you confront your W, especially since she's feeling smothered, you just make the cage she's trapped in even smaller.

My W had several "EA's". One with a guy fresh out of prison, unemployed, and missing several teeth. It bothered me, scared the crap out of me, but I knew eventually she'd realize he was a jerk. It didn't take long in each case. Another one that was really scary was a newly D guy, her age, and they were working together in a small offic. He's the guy she went to the concert with. I knew more than she knew I knew, but I stayed strong. I think I asked her if she had another man a few times, but not in the context of fear, rather as one mature individual to another.

Get prepared for the very long challenge ahead of you. Read all you can about communication, understanding women, being a man, and growing your spirituality. You'll need all the help you can get.

God Bless,

COG

The sooner you stop trying to change your W's mind, the better.