Pregnant and abandoned #3

[nephartiti]

Blindsided, someone posted the following on my thread a while back because I knew what I had to do, but I just kept losing it. I don't even know where it is from. She said something about a blue book... anyway, I have it posted everywhere.

"Feelings are not facts..... My Chief task therefore, is to keep my thinking true and my behavior sound and go by what I KNOW, not how I FEEL."

You KNOW what you have to do. You know the stats on affairs. They are on your side. You have the techniques of DB to utilize if you want to save your M. When your feelings start to overwhelm you, you have to THINK your way out of it.

I am reading a book called Crucial Conversations and it discusses the primal aspect of what happens to us when we get into an interaction that means everything to us. We are animals after all. The jist is that our brain shuts down, all the blood goes to the rest of our body to react--fight or flight. Guess what? You are fighting, he is flighting. When we force ourselves to THINK (and I do mean force), it sends blood to our brains and counteracts our animal instincts. It is easier said than done, but you know that.

Your hormones right now are a HUGE issue. Emotions are triggered more than we realize by our chemical state. Remind yourself of this also. More than anything, you have to be kind to yourself. I see you beating yourself up a lot. You are HUMAN.

Try this. Think of the advice you would give your daughter (if you had one) or a niece you saw in the same sitch. Try to look in from the outside. Here is this loving caring woman who married a man she thought was the greatest. She worked so hard to get pregnant to start the family she wanted. Her H is a real piece of work and is being VERY selfish. She is using so much energy chasing him that she is missing the precious time she has worked so hard for. He is missing out, but she doesn't have to.

He WILL regret it, but you can't make that happen sooner than it is going to. Live in the present, and make the best of it. You have wonderful support here.

Be kind to you.